hydrokinetics | Your faith walks on broken glass & the hangover doesn't pass, nothing's ever built to last [W6, Fri]

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Your faith walks on broken glass & the hangover doesn't pass, nothing's ever built to last [W6, Fri]

[He thinks of where she could be not long after he receives his letter from Hannibal. He remembers something Natalie told him not long ago, about how she and Jason came here once to drink away their sorrows and he finds it funny even now.

It's the only bit of humor he has left.

It's with this in mind that he enters the church quietly and shuts the door silently behind him. Churches are fake, he thinks, too boxed in and too reliant on only one god. Then again, it's not like the gods have ever helped him here, have they? And they won't help now.

Percy's spoken to Natalie before about losing friends. And his heart sinks as he realizes just how true those words are.]

...Natalie?

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[She starts crying in earnest, shaking her head even as he pulls her closer. Every part of herself is loathsome, she thinks, corrupted and diseased. He shouldn't be holding her like this. There's no stopping the memories of his blood on her hands, the adrenaline and panic and sorrow and, as much as she hates to admit it...

Relief.]

I'm sorry. [She whispers, between sobs. There's so much raw fear and bitterness, more than she knows what to do with.] I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

[He doesn't say anything even if his grip tightens. This isn't the first time he's done this for someone fierce and strong and bitter, someone driven to do something stupid. He can't fault her. He could never fault her.

I doubt you will, but all the same, do not begrudge Natalie too much if it is indeed her as I expect. Her rage burns quite hot and is not tempered as your own is. She will not live, however. I hope I do not need to explain why not at this point.

It's easier that she's sobbing anyway so she doesn't notice the fact he's also silently crying, but that's only because of everything he knows is coming that he can't prevent. Is this...just another way fate works? Was this always going to happen? He tried to stop them in the meeting, and he didn't try hard enough. Damian stayed alive, and yet...sacrifices have been made.

Frankly, it sucks.]

I'm not mad. [It's whispered by this point.] I'm not mad, I'm not disgusted, I'm not bitter, I'm...[His words taper off a bit before then, in a tinier whisper:] Please don't leave.

[She pauses for a long moment, tears still falling, taking shaky breaths to stop herself from crying. It doesn't work, and eventually she decides to speak with a watery, wet voice.]

I only had enough merit to protect the rest of you from him.

[She didn't want to tell anybody this, but with him, she finds it coming out regardless.]

[Dread seeps into the pit of his stomach again, and when he speaks he finds his voice stronger. More protective. More cautious.]

Protect the rest of us from who? What happened? [Even as he asks the question though, he knows. He has a good guess.]

[She breathes in and out, in and out, before she can answer.]

He picks Bandits on Monday. You had already told me who the Deputy was. Hal told me... I was in the most interesting moral position of anyone he could have picked.

[Fuck, fuck, fuck, she thinks.]

I wasn't going to kill someone innocent, but if I didn't, I was going to die for refusing. And I... knew that Will was going to kill me if I did it, but I thought that if he did, it would be obvious, and you could all vote for him. Then they would both be gone, and it would be that much safer.

...fuck. [Fuck. He finds himself struggling to breathe but forces himself onward, willing his own tears to stop and listening to her, refusing to let go until she tries to pull away. Even then, maybe, he wouldn't.]

...you knew what you were going to do when we talked on Thursday, didn't you? You knew everything. [Fuck this?] Will's...they're co-dependent. Will can't survive without him even if Dr. Lecter's...the way he is.

[There's another harsh breath.] It's safer if they're both gone, but why take you? Why couldn't it be someone else? [Like the other Bandit, he thinks.]

I'm sorry. I didn't have a choice, I wasn't trying to... I know I should have told you already.

[She brings her hand up to brush at her eyes. Jesus.]

He said he's only going to pick one from now on, since our numbers keep dropping so much. [One Bandit, that is.] And he said there was no way to pick more than one target.

...it's all right. I know why you didn't. [He doesn't know how he would have responded then. He lets her move enough to brush away her tears and he frowns at the space behind her head instead.]

One Bandit. And one target. We're really going for the last man standing route. [A deep breath.] Except for me. The Coal Miner will never be a Bandit.

[Unless Hal changed his mind.] There's eleven of us. That's exactly what's going to happen, I...we need to stop this. ["We", because he refuses to believe she's really going to be gone by this time tomorrow.]

[She lets out a small laugh, stressed and humorless and broken, as he reaches over to dry her tears. Then she nods.]

...All of you can do it. I know you can. And then - I'll see you again.

You better. You, me, Annabeth, Jason, Xion. Manhattan. You better be there or...[His threat falls short.]

...wait for us. I'm going to win everyone back, or die trying. Preferably the former. [But for now...] ...I know you said you used your reward to keep Will from us. But please come back for the night? Jason would worry if you didn't anyway and...he'd know something was up. We can just...hang out. Pretend everything's not completely fucked up. Maybe find a way to fix things anyway.

[She breathes in and then breathes out again.]

I don't know if I can keep it together around him. I'm really...

[Chewing on her lip, taking a deep breath again, somehow her voice still manages to come out small and frail.]

I'm really scared. I know it's not going to be permanent, because I trust you, but I...

I know. [And he does. But it's why he's going to be the support pillar for her at the moment.] I know...I'd be scared if you weren't. [And it doesn't help that he is scared.] We've all had a rough day and...I don't know. Maybe he'll just think it's that.

[A beat.] Natalie, please. Now isn't the time to be alone.

[Gently, after a moment or two of silence, she reaches forward to take his hand in hers.]

If I say I really don't want to be, is that selfish?

[He doesn't question it. He lets her, allowing their hands to stay together.]

Well no, but even if it was who cares? Nobody should be alone. [A pause.] She tells me every letter that I shouldn't blame myself, but I can't help but regret leaving Annabeth alone that night. I'm not making that mistake again even if we know it may not change anything. I want...these memories to be with people who care about you. Maybe that makes me selfish. I don't know.

Guess we can spend one night being selfish together.

[She pauses, but then she gives his hand a squeeze and nods. Breathe, Natalie, she tells herself.]

...Can I ask you to do something for me, when this is over?

Yeah, absolutely. [Maybe he should hear what it is first, but.] What is it?

...Can you tell everyone I'm sorry? I have to lie to them, and I just - I want them to understand why.

...of course. After the trial, you mean?

[She nods.]

I'm going to tell them all I didn't do it, and I think they're going to believe me until then.

[Which brings her to something else.]

...How did you know I killed him, anyways?

They will. You've never had reason to lie to them.

[There's a frown.] ...got a letter from Dr. Lecter. He mentioned it so I followed the lead. It led me straight to you.

[She hesitates, but...]

I get it if the answer is no, but can I see it?

[And he, too, hesitates.]

...the others have letters too, I bet. Dr. Lecter was writing these when I saw him on Wednesday. What I show you stays between you and me, and if they ask me about mine, I will be omitting things.

[But from there, he pulls out of his pocket a letter for her to read.]

[She reads it over once, twice, three times before handing it back to him. After a moment:]

...Jesus.

[She isn't sure where to start.]

...I never would have been mad, by the way. Just so you know.

[So yeah! That sure is a lot.]

...Thanks.

[She means that, even if she doesn't understand it.]

What are you going to do with all the merit?

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