hydrokinetics | Your faith walks on broken glass & the hangover doesn't pass, nothing's ever built to last [W6, Fri]

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Your faith walks on broken glass & the hangover doesn't pass, nothing's ever built to last [W6, Fri]

[He thinks of where she could be not long after he receives his letter from Hannibal. He remembers something Natalie told him not long ago, about how she and Jason came here once to drink away their sorrows and he finds it funny even now.

It's the only bit of humor he has left.

It's with this in mind that he enters the church quietly and shuts the door silently behind him. Churches are fake, he thinks, too boxed in and too reliant on only one god. Then again, it's not like the gods have ever helped him here, have they? And they won't help now.

Percy's spoken to Natalie before about losing friends. And his heart sinks as he realizes just how true those words are.]

...Natalie?

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[She looks over at him, quickly, then back towards the ground. Her mind, which was buzzing hours before with scores of thoughts, now feels empty and dull. Her expression is sorrowful, but it's also mostly neutral, too tired now for strong emotion.

Xion is dead. Her voice is quiet, expressionless.]

What is it?

[It's hard. It's hard to comprehend everything that's happened. Xion and Shinnosuke are gone. Dr. Lecter's gone. And Natalie...

...he steps closer, doing his best to move slowly and without any sudden shifts.]

What're you doing here? [His own voice sounds tired for a whole other reason, glaring up at the ceiling.] Come back with me. You, me and Jason can crash for tonight.

[She shakes her head, gaze still focused on the ground. It doesn't matter where she goes, she knows, but she doesn't want to be around anyone else all the same.]

I don't want to. I... want to stay here.

[It's not peaceful, but it's quiet.]

[He doesn't plan on moving, but:]

Do you want me to go? Or...can I stay for a while, too?

...You can stay if you want to.

[A pause, and a bitter, unpleasant frown.]

Did you come to ask me if I did it?

No. I already know you did. I just wanted to see if you would tell me yourself.

[He doesn't look judgmental, mostly just...sad? Sad.] But I'm definitely staying for a while.

...am I wrong though?

[She pauses for a moment, curling in on herself slightly with a grimace of pain at the movement. She hesitates, but then speaks softly.]

I believe it will come from your hands. At times, you have reminded me of another young woman I held very dear because of the strength I've seen in you. There was blood on her hands. I see the capacity for you to bear the same.

[There's another pause before her eyes narrow desperately and tears begin to drop out. In contrast to the dull tone of her voice before, now it spikes in pain and panic.]

He knew. Even before - I did anything, he knew. Percy, am I... Have I always been...

[A monster?]

[This is the hard part. This is always the hard part and even without asking for permission he moves to pull her tight against his chest, mindful of her injuries.

After all...this is the last time he'll see her alive. He already knows. He already knows what's going to come even if he doesn't know how. He'll fight to save her, but he wonders if it'll be enough. Will it? He doesn't know. It's way he immediately reacts and no longer cares if it's sappy or invading her personal space.]

Hey. [It's soft and quiet even as he carefully rests his chin on her head. It's mostly because he thinks maybe it's better they aren't looking at each other.] You haven't. All right? You're as much of a monster as I am and you wouldn't say the same for me, would you?

[He thinks of what his own letter had to say.]

He knew because Hal told him someone was coming for him. He knew because he knows how to tap into people like us. [People that are lost.] ...Dr. Lecter was...the real monster. And he knew it.

[She starts crying in earnest, shaking her head even as he pulls her closer. Every part of herself is loathsome, she thinks, corrupted and diseased. He shouldn't be holding her like this. There's no stopping the memories of his blood on her hands, the adrenaline and panic and sorrow and, as much as she hates to admit it...

Relief.]

I'm sorry. [She whispers, between sobs. There's so much raw fear and bitterness, more than she knows what to do with.] I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

[He doesn't say anything even if his grip tightens. This isn't the first time he's done this for someone fierce and strong and bitter, someone driven to do something stupid. He can't fault her. He could never fault her.

I doubt you will, but all the same, do not begrudge Natalie too much if it is indeed her as I expect. Her rage burns quite hot and is not tempered as your own is. She will not live, however. I hope I do not need to explain why not at this point.

It's easier that she's sobbing anyway so she doesn't notice the fact he's also silently crying, but that's only because of everything he knows is coming that he can't prevent. Is this...just another way fate works? Was this always going to happen? He tried to stop them in the meeting, and he didn't try hard enough. Damian stayed alive, and yet...sacrifices have been made.

Frankly, it sucks.]

I'm not mad. [It's whispered by this point.] I'm not mad, I'm not disgusted, I'm not bitter, I'm...[His words taper off a bit before then, in a tinier whisper:] Please don't leave.

[She pauses for a long moment, tears still falling, taking shaky breaths to stop herself from crying. It doesn't work, and eventually she decides to speak with a watery, wet voice.]

I only had enough merit to protect the rest of you from him.

[She didn't want to tell anybody this, but with him, she finds it coming out regardless.]

[Dread seeps into the pit of his stomach again, and when he speaks he finds his voice stronger. More protective. More cautious.]

Protect the rest of us from who? What happened? [Even as he asks the question though, he knows. He has a good guess.]

[She breathes in and out, in and out, before she can answer.]

He picks Bandits on Monday. You had already told me who the Deputy was. Hal told me... I was in the most interesting moral position of anyone he could have picked.

[Fuck, fuck, fuck, she thinks.]

I wasn't going to kill someone innocent, but if I didn't, I was going to die for refusing. And I... knew that Will was going to kill me if I did it, but I thought that if he did, it would be obvious, and you could all vote for him. Then they would both be gone, and it would be that much safer.

...fuck. [Fuck. He finds himself struggling to breathe but forces himself onward, willing his own tears to stop and listening to her, refusing to let go until she tries to pull away. Even then, maybe, he wouldn't.]

...you knew what you were going to do when we talked on Thursday, didn't you? You knew everything. [Fuck this?] Will's...they're co-dependent. Will can't survive without him even if Dr. Lecter's...the way he is.

[There's another harsh breath.] It's safer if they're both gone, but why take you? Why couldn't it be someone else? [Like the other Bandit, he thinks.]

I'm sorry. I didn't have a choice, I wasn't trying to... I know I should have told you already.

[She brings her hand up to brush at her eyes. Jesus.]

He said he's only going to pick one from now on, since our numbers keep dropping so much. [One Bandit, that is.] And he said there was no way to pick more than one target.

...it's all right. I know why you didn't. [He doesn't know how he would have responded then. He lets her move enough to brush away her tears and he frowns at the space behind her head instead.]

One Bandit. And one target. We're really going for the last man standing route. [A deep breath.] Except for me. The Coal Miner will never be a Bandit.

[Unless Hal changed his mind.] There's eleven of us. That's exactly what's going to happen, I...we need to stop this. ["We", because he refuses to believe she's really going to be gone by this time tomorrow.]

[She lets out a small laugh, stressed and humorless and broken, as he reaches over to dry her tears. Then she nods.]

...All of you can do it. I know you can. And then - I'll see you again.

You better. You, me, Annabeth, Jason, Xion. Manhattan. You better be there or...[His threat falls short.]

...wait for us. I'm going to win everyone back, or die trying. Preferably the former. [But for now...] ...I know you said you used your reward to keep Will from us. But please come back for the night? Jason would worry if you didn't anyway and...he'd know something was up. We can just...hang out. Pretend everything's not completely fucked up. Maybe find a way to fix things anyway.

[She breathes in and then breathes out again.]

I don't know if I can keep it together around him. I'm really...

[Chewing on her lip, taking a deep breath again, somehow her voice still manages to come out small and frail.]

I'm really scared. I know it's not going to be permanent, because I trust you, but I...

I know. [And he does. But it's why he's going to be the support pillar for her at the moment.] I know...I'd be scared if you weren't. [And it doesn't help that he is scared.] We've all had a rough day and...I don't know. Maybe he'll just think it's that.

[A beat.] Natalie, please. Now isn't the time to be alone.

[Gently, after a moment or two of silence, she reaches forward to take his hand in hers.]

If I say I really don't want to be, is that selfish?

[He doesn't question it. He lets her, allowing their hands to stay together.]

Well no, but even if it was who cares? Nobody should be alone. [A pause.] She tells me every letter that I shouldn't blame myself, but I can't help but regret leaving Annabeth alone that night. I'm not making that mistake again even if we know it may not change anything. I want...these memories to be with people who care about you. Maybe that makes me selfish. I don't know.

Guess we can spend one night being selfish together.

[She pauses, but then she gives his hand a squeeze and nods. Breathe, Natalie, she tells herself.]

...Can I ask you to do something for me, when this is over?

Yeah, absolutely. [Maybe he should hear what it is first, but.] What is it?

...Can you tell everyone I'm sorry? I have to lie to them, and I just - I want them to understand why.

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