Your faith walks on broken glass & the hangover doesn't pass, nothing's ever built to last [W6, Fri]

[hydrokinetics]

[He thinks of where she could be not long after he receives his letter from Hannibal. He remembers something Natalie told him not long ago, about how she and Jason came here once to drink away their sorrows and he finds it funny even now.

It's the only bit of humor he has left.

It's with this in mind that he enters the church quietly and shuts the door silently behind him. Churches are fake, he thinks, too boxed in and too reliant on only one god. Then again, it's not like the gods have ever helped him here, have they? And they won't help now.

Percy's spoken to Natalie before about losing friends. And his heart sinks as he realizes just how true those words are.]

...Natalie?

Comments

[hydrokinetics]

No, I know. ...I know. [An awkward smile.] It's just hero-instinct, I guess. But I know.

...how about this. You don't apologize, and I won't either. Fair?

[robitussin]

Yeah.

[She pauses, then reaches into her pocket with a wince to pull out a piece of paper.]

Read it to everyone after the trial, okay?

[hydrokinetics]

[He'll take the paper, looking at it before nodding.]

Sure. It'll help them understand. [And it slips into his pocket. He's decided he won't read it until then.] And hopefully...it'll help us find an answer faster.

[robitussin]

I hope it will, too. But no matter what... You guys can do this. I believe in you.

[She should have realized that sooner, admitted it sooner. She sighs.]

[hydrokinetics]

Thank you. [There's silence.] Just...take it easy for now, okay? We've got you.

[It's all he can do. Reassurance until Hal hits him with a bat, apparently.]

[robitussin]

[There's a nod, and then... God. She hates that she's asking this, hates that she's being so weak, but her fingers close over his hand and her voice lowers slightly.]

Do you think it's going to hurt?

[hydrokinetics]

[He tenses up, if only because the question makes him sick. Dying...would dying hurt? He could lie. He could lie to her and tell her it'll be quick, lie to her and tell her it'll be okay...but this is Natalie and he refuses to lie to her. Not knowing what she's up against. Instead, he just rotates his hand to hold on.]

...I don't know. [It's very honest, at least, in the way that Percy's capable of. Blunt and honest but still sure.] Dying is a weird experience. Or the feeling you have before you die. I can't predict what Will will do, but...I pray it doesn't. [A huff of a laugh, incredulous and annoyed.] We're in a church and I don't even know if praying to a different god would do shit.

[robitussin]

[She doesn't remove her hand from his, but as she looks up at the ceiling, she tips a little so her head is resting on his shoulder again. This time she's not crying. She's still frightened, but it's more subdued.]

Doesn't seem like praying at all has really helped any of us. [Inhale.] This sucks.

[hydrokinetics]

[He can deal with that. He'll let her stay there, more or less.]

Sometimes it does. In this place, it hasn't. I've never been sure if it's because I'm so far away or my dad's too split between his Greek and Roman aspects to talk to me. [But he shakes his head.] It definitely, definitely sucks. But...I think there's something good on the other side. Annabeth's almost calm in her letters which is pretty impressive for her.

[It's a vague little bit of comfort, he hopes.]

[robitussin]

Maybe it's the whole pocket dimension thing.

[She shifts slightly, trying to make herself comfortable on the pews.]

It's more the whole getting there thing I'm worried about, but... Maybe I'll get lucky and he'll make it fast. Who knows.

[hydrokinetics]

[He shakes his head.]

I hope so. Will will be focused on the end goal. [This is depressing and he hates thinking of the topic.] Will you fight back?

[robitussin]

[She kicks her legs idly, still staring at the ceiling.]

It won't really matter if I do.

[But.]

I don't know if I'll be able to stop myself.

[hydrokinetics]

...see on the one hand, I'd say don't struggle. On the other hand, I'm Greek. [A shrug.] Fighting is sort of in our genes and I'd be a really huge hypocrite if I told you not to when I know I'd fight back like crazy.

I think when the time comes, you'll know how to handle it. You're still one of the strongest people I've met here.

[robitussin]

I already know not struggling is the best way to handle it. I guess it's just a matter of making sure I don't.

[She's not sure what she'll do when she gets that panicked. Either way, she forces a smile.]

You're going to make my head swell.

[hydrokinetics]

Like I said...you'll make the right choice when the time comes. I know that.

And anyway, I've had enough regrets in my life. I don't need withholding my compliments to you to be another one. So shut up and take it.

[robitussin]

[That manages to make her smile, fond and sorrowful all at once, before she nods.]

Percy?

[hydrokinetics]

[It reminds him of someone, a smile like that. He's seen smiles like that before. Somehow it never gets easier, but he can try.]

Yeah?

[robitussin]

[He knows part of this story. She knows he does. Some place inside her, she doesn't want to fill in the blanks now, because it makes everything feel too final. Why let it all come out when she could control the pace, let bits and pieces slip in during the years they're all going to spend together when he takes all of them home with him?

Because, if she is being honest with herself, she can't say she's convinced that everything will end so cleanly. It's what she wants, what she's striving for, but - if she never sees him again, if this is all in vain...]

Before I was born, my brother died.

[That is where it started, where everything stems from, a point from which nothing could have been the same.]

My parents... It killed them. They didn't know what to do, so they rushed to have another kid. But that kind of thing - it never works. You can't replace something like that, but they didn't know how to deal with what happened, so they didn't deal with it. Not dealing with it meant they always wanted him, though. It was always like I never even registered to them. Once, my mom told me that she loves me as much as she can, whatever that means. I've spent my entire life feeling invisible.

[A breath in, a breath out. Her hand tenses on his.]

But you and Jason and Xion - you saw me. You never made me feel like I didn't matter, you never left me behind or forgot about me or anything that I'm used to. I've... had something sort of similar, but it didn't end well, but I think this will, when everything is over.

[And if tomorrow comes and the world has shaken apart, she thinks, at least she had something to hold onto for this long.]

So... Thank you. That's all.

[She's had enough regrets, too, to leave that unsaid.]

[hydrokinetics]

[He's patient as he lets her tell her story. He had suspected the first part given what Natalie's already told him, but it's the rest that's a little heartbreaking.

No wonder. It's no wonder now why Natalie had tried so hard to push people away. It's no wonder Natalie didn't believe in making friends or connections. How could you rely on strangers to become your friends when your own family refused to acknowledge you?

You can't replace people. So…to hear her say that Jason, Xion and himself changed that is a relief. He knows how badly people can mess up when they're ignored and alone. He never wanted that for her from the day they met. Another arm goes around her shoulders for another hug because…what can you even say to that? She's not invisible. She's here.]

It will. I promise. [He rests his face in her shoulder for a moment.] You have become one of the most important people to me. And…I've met guys who tried to destroy the world because their parents neglected them. You chose to try for the better. I want you to be proud of yourself for everything.

[A pause.] And thank you for telling me. I know that kind of thing isn't easy, but you've gotta know you won't be left behind. Not by me, not by Jason, and not by Xion. Never. [A nod.] We'll go together, with Annabeth, and…it'll be perfect. [Or as perfect as he can daydream. But it must be said.]

[robitussin]

[What a strange feeling, she thinks, to have someone tell her she should be proud of herself. Of course, she can't recall if that has ever happened before. It makes her feel strange, like an impostor in her own skin, but... Maybe she can grow to deserve it.

She certainly doesn't feel like she deserves it now, when the memory of Hannibal's broken and bleeding body set before her is still fresh in her mind. But it's almost funny, how this keeps happening. Jason comforting her by the lake after that happened to Seizaburo, Xion telling her she has nothing to apologize for - all of it makes her wonder if there's fundamentally worthwhile about herself that she's been messing.

What a wonderful thing to think about, and what an awful time to be thinking about it. That would be the way it goes, wouldn't it? Her smile grows a little bitter, but no less genuine. She feels his face resting on her shoulder.

He is here with her, and soon Jason will be too, and that will be enough.]

Yeah. It'll be awesome, no doubt.

[Something to pull her through tomorrow, no matter what happens.]

[hydrokinetics]

[There's a nod and he finally pulls back to make things a little less...this. He dreads tomorrow, but he hopes those words will help her enough. They're important. She's important.]

Until then...wanna go find Jason? Or let him find us?