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hydrokinetics) wrote2017-02-19 02:39 pm
hydrokinetics) wrote2017-02-19 02:39 pm
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My mind is set on overdrive, the clock is laughing in my face [W5, Sunday/Monday]
[Percy's never been afraid of the dark, but in the last few months both in Tartarus and in this town, the dark has meant too many dangerous things that've put him on edge. It's startling late when he enters the hotel and he's quiet about it, closing the door while making zero sound and keeping his steps light.
Of course, he doesn't account for anyone else being awake. The sounds from the kitchen alarm him but he narrows his eyes, a hand on Annabeth's dagger at his hip as he steps closer to see what's going on. After everything, he refuses to be caught off-guard.
...and then he notices who it is and he sighs without thinking about it. Of course. Why isn't this a surprise?]
Man, what're you doing? [Will, why are you this way? And what are you doing?]
Of course, he doesn't account for anyone else being awake. The sounds from the kitchen alarm him but he narrows his eyes, a hand on Annabeth's dagger at his hip as he steps closer to see what's going on. After everything, he refuses to be caught off-guard.
...and then he notices who it is and he sighs without thinking about it. Of course. Why isn't this a surprise?]
Man, what're you doing? [Will, why are you this way? And what are you doing?]
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No. [ Well. ] I'd prefer to be sleeping, generally. But I have nightmares, bad ones. I'd like to let Hannibal sleep sometimes instead of keeping him awake with my screaming.
[ A shrug and he tosses the blueberries in after washing them. He's chopping apple next. ]
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I think that's not a bad thing to do. [But now he's curious in another way, and maybe it's out of place, but:] ...can you see what other people are doing in your nightmares, too?
[He's also still just on the floor, fully sitting now and trying to get Winston to flop in his lap. A dog settles all nerves.]
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It's more like... my subconscious likes to chew up everything I see and spit something out. I have a long list of terrors waiting to come out, if given the chance.
[ Which is why he sleeps with a monster, he'd say after that. How can he be scared when the most terrifying thing around is in his bed? He's moving onto oranges next, peeling them carefully and looking at ease as he goes. He'll grin slightly after he says that, feeling exhaustion creep regardless. ]
It's a scary place, my head. Worse than any murder competition. So, we should probably talk about something else.
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He has to wonder how he can handle it, but Will asks to change the subject. It's only because it's Will that Percy complies.]
I think I can manage that. [He thinks for a moment, stroking one of Winston's ears in thought.] Can I ask you something about you and Dr. Lecter?
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The question though, it gives him pause and he looks to Percy before back to the fruit in front of him. ]
You can. I don't mind talking about it.
[ And with that the cantaloupe is in the bowl. He'll throw some grapes in afterwards but all it takes is mixing it together and he shifts to serve them both. He'll make quick work of it because all he'll do next is, well, shift to sit on the floor with Percy, holding out a bowl with a fork in it to him. Will rests his back against the cabinets and pops a piece of strawberry in his mouth. ]
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Thanks. [He lifts the bowl to indicate that it's a thank you for the fruit and for permission. How unfortunate that he's a teenage boy and he's pulling out a grape with his fingers to tentatively pop it into his mouth.]
...how long have you guys been together anyway? I don't think I've ever asked. Dr. Lecter told me how you met but not a timeline.
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Hard to say. Hannibal would tell you he's been courting me since we met, love at first sight, etcera. I wouldn't call it untrue but it was -- rougher. For me. That was seven years ago.
[ A shrug and he sets his fork against the rim of his bowl, tapping slightly as he tries to think. ]
I resisted, for a very long time. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be with him or not, or what my sexuality was. I was pretty sure I was firmly heterosexual and my feelings for Hannibal were strictly platonic. This wasn't true but it's what I thought. Then we were... separated, for three years. We only recently were reunited and fell into a relationship then. So, it's both new and also really isn't. I could say a couple of months. I could say seven years. Both would be true.
Why do you ask?
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That makes sense, he thinks. Those things take time. It's not that Percy knows the struggles of a sexuality crisis but he struggled long enough with if he liked Annabeth or not. He can sort of get it.]
I don't know. [It's honest, at least.] I guess because...I mean you saw what Felix did for Chane. That was kind of...[Intense and scary?] And I would do anything for Annabeth, but we haven't been dating for long. Almost a year, and I was missing for eight months of that. [He mulls on a piece of cantaloupe.]
...I miss her a lot and I keep thinking about trying to write to her, but I don't even know what to say. We've been to Tartarus and back, slayed multiple monsters together, survived a few weeks in this place and I still worry about being a bad boyfriend. So maybe I was just wondering how other people even deal with relationships, especially in a place like this. You and Dr. Lecter are the only ones left. [Chane and Felix are together. And Percy himself is alone.]
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He also wants to see how this goes. It would be interesting to see how someone who wasn't him pursued Hannibal. They've both mutually decided neither of them want to survive the game so, watching this play out is the ideal. ]
Would you kill for her?
[ The comparison of Felix and Chane sits heavily against Percy's talk to Annabeth. It was the only jump Will could make, and of course he knows the answer. ]
Hannibal and I are desensitized to death. We act here as if we'd act anywhere else, which might seem a little jarring when compared to everyone else. It's just -- how we are. The romance is there but we're quiet about it, generally. [ ... And then he grins, wry. ] Well, aside from when I feel the pressing need to badmouth Hannibal to the public. That's always interesting.
[ Will, you're such an ass. But Will sighs and moves on -- advice. Percy is looking for advice. Percy is looking for advice for a reason other than Annabeth and Will knows what it is but does he want to share? Does he want to give that missing link? He considers it as he eats a blueberry. ]
Hannibal's also ... [ Ah. He can't help the flush that covers his face suddenly and he frowns. ] He's really romantic. He likes to talk a lot about what he... likes about me. How much he loves me. He also reads to me, cooks for me. Recites sonnets, draws portraits. And sometimes just -- he writes me letters. Love letters, or leaves me bits of poetry when he can't be there to share a meal with me. [ . . . ] Would you like to see one, as an example?
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I know you know the answer to that, Will. So I'm going to ignore the question. [Strangely, there's no guilt attached. There's stress and worry but Okabe had been okay with death and Percy had treated him kindly. In his mind, he would be able to be sent home when they won the game. So, he focuses on the other stuff instead.]
What exactly does that mean anyway? Because of everything you guys did in the FBI, or something else? [He makes a face.] Annabeth keep calling me an idiot in her letters to me, so I guess that's something you two have in common.
[It's almost too good to be true. There's a spike of caution before it melts into suspicion.]
...Dr. Lecter being a romantic somehow doesn't surprise me as much as it should, given everything he does is for "aesthetic" or whatever. Are you trying to tell me you actually have a letter he's written you on you right now? [So that's a yes. He would. Will, you're such a dick. But Percy remains determined if all else, and more aware than before.]
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You're very utilitarian, Percy. I think it's admirable and one of the things I like about you.
[ And then he continues and Percy asks one of the big questions and all Will can do is drop his head back against the cabinet and look up at the ceiling. He can't give away Hannibal's proclivities but he doesn't want to lie completely. ]
Yeah, it's our work mostly. We also seem to... attract it. That brand on Hannibal's back, the big one? The brother of one of Hannibal's patients wasn't... uh, fond, let's say, of the two of us. We were in Italy and he had us kidnapped and brought to his pig farm in Massachusetts. There was -- an incident. He was drugged, ended up carving his face off and feeding it to my dogs prior to this. He wanted to repay me by skinning my face and attaching it to his instead. Hannibal he had tied up in his farm, like his pigs. Kept him there for a few days, branded him, intended to eat him. [ A sigh here. ] Eventually we were able to break free with some help but it's just the type of thing that happens to us sometimes. You work with violence, you beget violence and the type we work with always tends to be on a certain side of brutal.
[ But story time over, he moves on. He can't help the smile at the description of Hannibal's aesthetics -- Percy being entirely right with that. Then he nods and lifts his hips slightly to dig into his pajama pocket. He pulls out a small square of sheet with a poem on it, the last stanza in particular. He holds it out to Percy. ]
It's a little worn, I like to keep it on me. But it should do the job.
[ And he will, of course, notice that the handwriting matches. ]
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Suppose there are worse traits people could like about me. When you live like we do and have the potential for a short shelf life, you learn to be adaptable. [There's a light pause.] Though I appreciate you keeping that information to yourself. You understand why I'm doing these things, don't you, Will?
[He doesn't like it. He doesn't get a thrill in killing. All of the kills he's committed have been almost out of mercy. The Undertaker had asked him to get straight to the point with a blase attitude. Elizabeth, at least, he had knocked out and knew that he would have had to follow Hal's instructions regardless. And Okabe...the man didn't mind at all, and he was gone with a slit. He thinks of these things, thinks of the fact that the only time he's really ever had blood on his hands was when he killed a coyote to get it away from Annabeth's corpse and when he held Harry's head in his hands. But this is all for the game. This is all to win, to save people, to do what's right. He knows some people don't care about winning or getting out alive, but the stakes are too high for him and the rest of his friends. For Annabeth. For her. He'd do it for her, but there are others, too, now. People he's friends with, where his loyalties lie. That's what eats at him. He will take blood so that they don't have to. He will make sacrifices and play along to help them pursue. It's a dangerous game, but Will can see all of his cards.
And for the first time in days...Percy isn't afraid.]
I remember seeing that. [He muses quietly, nibbling on a strawberry almost idle as he listens to the grotesque tale. There's an inhale.] Given the other stories you've told me, Will, maybe anyone would stop being freaked out about stuff like that, too. [A pause, and then an offer.] Annabeth and I have been training for years, and after a while you stop thinking about the monsters you kill. They're trying to kill you first, so you fight. That's how things go for us. It's what we're bred for.
[But he takes the letter, staring for a moment before reaching with a hand to take it and unfold it. He reads the words closely, though it's clear that he's shocked not by the content but by the style of hand. It matches. Of course it matches and now...well, now he doesn't know what to do. He debates, deciding which route he wants to go because he has two sets of questions.]
...is poetry like this always a little depressing even if it's romantic?
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I do. In the end, it doesn't really matter who's left, as long as the person there makes the right choice. You're only doing what you can to either be that person or help that person along. Secrets out of necessity, not malice.
[ He shrugs, slow and sure and eats a piece of melon. He feels Percy's shock at the story and all he can do is nod in response. Then Percy mentions he and Annabeth and Will wonders if they'll ever stop, once they return where they need to go. It doesn't sound like a good life. ]
Bred is a heavy word, Percy. It lowers you to an animal. I don't think you're an animal.
[ That's all he says though because then they're focusing on Hannibal's note. The poem warmed Will all over when he first saw it so he kept it on him, moving from pocket to pocket as his fingers rubbed light strokes against the paper. It was oddly grounding, this piece of Hannibal's heart. ]
Hannibal tends to learn towards the macabre if he isn't reeled in. I could find you something lighter for Annabeth, same poet? She might enjoy it.
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Yes. [He slows down, finally using the fork to push some blueberries around the bowl.] But you know how people are, Will. Murder...is still murder in several people's eyes, no matter the motive. Those people...I can't risk them losing. Or me. I need to make sure the right people win because I don't know if I can accept anything else.
[Yes, he knows. There are flickers of memories as he thinks on that. He thinks of where he was before this, the darkest part of the Underworld with only the glow of Riptide guiding them most of the time. A place where the soil felt warm and smooth and under a thin layer of dirt the ground was a single membrane like skin, a place so vast and malevolent and toxic. He thinks of a god, the true Tartarus, with his black armor, purple, muscular arms, and the helmet containing a face of a whirlpool, the inward spiral of darkness. He thinks of his life being chased by furies and gorgons, he thinks of decapitating Medusa, he thinks of holding the sky, thinks of watching friends die, thinks of time and time again he was alone and ignored to do things for himself. It's easy to be bitter, Percy thinks. But he knows he can't allow it. He thinks of their friends from the Argo II, worries about them every day he fights to live in this place, knows he and Annabeth have to get home to stop Gaea. And yet:]
Demigods are born as the go-between for men and gods, Will. We're bound to be heroes. That's what we're raised to be. They send us on quests and sometimes we come back, sometimes we don't. I completed the prophecy that said I would live to see sixteen. It's still up in the air if I'll live to see seventeen.
[But. The note. He's reading it again and again and it's clear to him that this paper is something special. It's why Percy knows he can't take it away from Will.]
...she might like that. Annabeth isn't really big on romance but...I love her. That's...all there is to it, isn't it? I love her and if I can't actually see her words are probably the next best thing. She's a lot smarter than me anyway. She'd get it even if I don't.
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(He thinks of Molly, who wanted peace and got something else entirely. She is his biggest regret.) ]
So, you keep it a secret. You do the dirty work they won't do in order to get the right outcome. It's not a bad thing, Percy. Not really. Your endgame is good.
[ There's a twist there in what Percy just said and what Percy says now and Will isn't malicious as he looks at Percy with curiosity. His words are flat and could be barbed but he really just wonders the why's to go with Percy's what. He wonders if he should be surprised by Percy's status but Percy hasn't even hidden it and just says it with frankness. This isn't the first time. Will doesn't bother to speak in metaphor here. ]
Are you bound to be heroes or are you bred to kill, Percy? Seems like a contradiction.
[ He takes another piece of fruit in his mouth and doesn't feel ashamed by Percy reading his poem, of seeing how Hannibal bares himself for Will. It is private but there's the nasty need to see that has Will using it as a weapon against Hannibal. He's sure Hannibal would only feel love for Will in response. He wonders if Hannibal will feel anything but again, if Hannibal will ever leave him again. He does not think so. ]
When Hannibal and I were separated, he sent me letters. I... never knew how to respond -- still don't, really, but it kept him in my mind. Kept his image clear and present to me, so I could never forget him. It was his letters that brought us back together.
[ He shrugs and gives a small wry smile, down to his fruit bowl. ]
You should write to her. It'll make you feel better.
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Nobody else should have blood on their hands, Will. They depend on me and I think if they really knew what I was doing maybe it wouldn't matter to them. But I'm still trying. The people that want to live deserve to live, don't you think? [There's a pause.] I want the best thing for everyone. And I want to go home.
[It's the first time he's openly said it, but he's focused on playing with his food instead.] What makes you think I'm not a contradiction myself? Half-mortal, half-divine. I don't really belong in the mortal world most of the time, but I don't belong in the realm of the gods either. Everything I do is because the gods want me to, but everything I fight for is for my mortal life. [He snorts derisively.] I've been fighting in their wars since I was twelve. When we defeated the Titan army and Kronos last summer, they called us heroes. Even now while we're stopping the giants and preparing to fight Gaea, they call us heroes of Olympus. Being born as a half-blood automatically means you learn to fight to survive. So. I guess it's both.
[Even holding onto the poem it's clear that now that he has Hannibal's handwriting memorized he's just reading the paper and the words. It's...weird, isn't it? Weird how words mean things. It's personal and voyeuristic for Percy to be looking at this. But that's okay.]
...before Christmas, Hera kidnapped me and erased all of my memories and put me to sleep for four months. When I woke up, the only person I remembered was Annabeth. I had to find my way to home to her. She would appear in my dreams and I knew she was looking for me, but I never knew what to say or how to find her. It took a few months. [So, it's sort of the same.] Maybe I will. It can't hurt if that's all we have left. And...you and Dr. Lecter love each other, don't you? It makes sense.
[There's another pause as he seems to slide pieces together in the puzzle in his head before he almost violently stabs a few blueberries to eat.] You know exactly what I'm doing, don't you, Will? [With the handwriting assessment. May as well bring it up.]
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I do too. It's why I don't interfere, it's the only way I can assure the right people will be able to do what they have to do to end the game well. We both have to do bad to have good.
[ He knows he could have helped but who would that help in the long term? No one. So, he kept quiet.
He listens to Percy's explanation and can't help the snort of amusement. He has a point there, Will will give him that and Will nods, spearing an orange onto his fork and taking a bite. ]
Then... I wish you luck in your next war, Percy. Whatever it may be.
[ If it's here. If it's Gaea. If it's anything else. He thinks Percy deserves a win, if anyone does.
He listens to Percy's story and understands it. He imagines he's wake up the same way, head empty except for Hannibal if anything like that happened to him at this point. It's a chilling thought. ]
We do.
[ He's not sure what else to say that. Anything else feels trite. He understands how Annabeth and Percy work at this point -- all he could say would be repetition so instead he moves on to address Percy's question. His final question, the one this entire conversation was waiting for. ]
I do. [ A sigh. ] To understand why I'm doing it, I have to explain Hannibal to you but -- but Percy, if you tell everyone else this, they won't understand. I know you can, I know you can see it like I do. Promise me you'll listen first and be safe about what you share.
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You don't interfere for the same reason I do. I think I finally understand. [He ducks his head though.] You were pretty drunk when I came by last weekend, but I never really did thank you personally for getting Ezio to confess. [Other than the whiskey.] And...I think what happened with Eliot and Felix is enough reason for people to understand why you wouldn't interfere. Neither of us are doing bad...right?
[He sounds uncertain for a moment, but his eyes seem to say he firmly believes he's doing the best thing for everyone. But there's another nod. He appreciates the well-wishes, a feeling of gratitude popping up despite himself. He's so tired of losing here. A victory, even a small one, would help. Still, he finds this line of conversation a little personal anyway. He finally folds the poem even as he holds the paper between his fingers and meets Will's eyes again. He understands what it's like to love someone and have to explain them.]
...you may not believe me, but I do actually like listening to you. [A lopsided smile follows.] I'll listen, and we'll go from there. If I feel it's not important to share, or that it'll throw off everything we're doing, I won't tell everyone else. I'll figure something else out. Is that okay?
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Exactly. [ . . . ] You don't have to thank me for that. It wasn't something I meant to pursue and then did. Sometimes I get caught in the -- the sway, sort of.
[ He shrugs and chews slowly on a strawberry. Felix and Eliot, huh? ]
... I was angry, is all that was.
[ It's said softly but he doesn't regret what he did. It was just -- just something he hadn't meant to do so outwardly in public. Still, it gave him satisfaction in the end.
Percy's answer to his warning just makes him laugh, a slight quirk of the lips and he grins. He catches Percy's eyes but he can't look too long, can't let himself spiral like that but it's enough to share his amusement. He watches Percy fold the poem and he wonders if Percy will give it back to him or take it with him. He would like it back but he'd rather see what Percy chooses instead. That will tell him enough. ]
Okay, Percy.
[ And then he goes silent, eyes dropping to his bowl where he picks at a strawberry again but does not yet bring it to his mouth. ]
You have to understand that Hannibal's primary goal is his own amusement. He's always thoroughly, thoroughly enjoying himself and he hasn't had as much fun in the past few years as he's had here. No one knows who he is here, only me. At home, he's the most prolific serial killer in the world and the reason we were separated, Percy, is because Hannibal was in prison. [ He looks to Percy then, expression serious. ] I put him there.
[ And then he sighs and continues, eyes fixed on the ceiling. ]
He's not... bad, per se, but I suppose that's coming off my own understanding of him. He's definitely not good either, but he's a firm neutral. He doesn't need do bad things to be happy, and he doesn't dislike doing good things. He just picks the option that suits his whimsy the most at that moment. For instance, I said once that I had to stay alive or Hannibal would be unable to help anymore. I meant it. If I'm alive, Hannibal is stable and has no need to interfere because he can fixate where he wants to -- on me. He can use his skills as a surgeon and as a psychiatrist to help because he has no reason not to. If he's having his primary goal, his own amusement, satisfied then what reason does he have to rock the boat? He has me. He has people that he likes. He has interesting things to participate in. He's content.
The other problem with Hannibal is that he bores easily. When he grows bored, he gets reckless and stupid. He sends me a dead girl gutted on a pair of stag antlers the day after we met. He turns himself into the FBI because I tell him I never want to see him again. [ At this, he looks at Percy again and his expression is tired. ] He sends a note to a group of people he knows has to kill him but are morally opposed to the idea and writes it in calligraphy. Hannibal's whimsy is his downfall because he can never sit still for too long, not without seeing if someone eventually sees what he is, what he does. He wants people to look closer, to see how inhuman he is. The monster under his skin. The devil in the details.
[ But. ]
For some reason, I don't bore him. He loves me -- genuinely so. Despite all this, our love for each other is very genuine. He's unlike any other psychopath that's ever existed before, he's capable of the entire spectrum of emotion and feels it intensely. He doesn't kill out of compulsion and in fact hasn't really done so here. He's enjoying himself here pretending to be whole again. But I'm saying this part because I want you to know, Percy, neither of us have lied to you. I like you very much and I think you are a very good kid and I don't want to see you hurt. I know Hannibal feels the same way, all advice he's given you or conversations he's had with you are not out of anything but Hannibal wanting good for you. He just keeps what he really is a secret.
[ And then he drags a hand over his face and continues to brace himself for a bad reaction. Percy won't understand, he fears. He doesn't know how to make him understand other than explain and hope for the best. ]
I think Hannibal would prefer to die this week. He's bored and he doesn't want to play anymore. He'd rather see what happens next now and thus, he's baiting you. One of you will make the mistake of coming for him and you will pay for it. He asked the Sheriff to warn him. He knows every single one of you knows. He's known since Saturday. Now, he's waiting and curious to see what will happen because something will always happen, it always does.
[ He looks more exhausted by the second here, more than usual. ]
Neither of us planned to live through the game, for the record. He's well aware of who he is and knows he doesn't deserve the honor of winning. He'd rather any of you have it, for all the hard work you've done. Whoever comes for Hannibal, he will fight them but he doesn't particularly care if he lives or dies. When this happens, if Hannibal hasn't killed me already, I'll either kill myself or set myself up for death. I'm ... [ He bites his lip, considering how to put this. ] I love Hannibal, I do, but it's complicated and strange and rarely understood. The best way I can put this is that I'm his keeper, really. Extreme acts of cruelty require a high degree of empathy, Percy. I'm the only one who can contain him properly, can keep him at bay. At the beginning of the game, when he was given this role, we discussed the idea of me telling him secrets. We decided it would be better if I told him nothing. So, I haven't. The only things he knows is who killed who, since we usually discuss it after trials. I haven't told him who has a role, Percy.
[ But finally, he is done. He sets his bowl to his side and pulls his legs up to rest his forehead on his knees. He's quiet for a moment before, cautiously -- ]
The reason we were able to leave that pig farm, Percy, is because Hannibal was set loose. [ It's clear Will is using that way to describe it for a reason. A man is set free. A beast is set loose. ] He slaughtered every single person on that farm with a hammer. A hammer. This was all in an effort to free me, considering he doesn't really care whether he lives or dies. He was having fun at the farm, I was the one who was being tortured. Hannibal did not find that very amusing.
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I think…sometimes anger is an okay motivator. [And again his words are soft because it's something he's hesitant to say, something he doesn't think people will understand. He's used his own anger many times to push forward. Anger drove him to fight his way through Tartarus. Anger drove him to hold the doors of death closed as they rode up the elevator. Anger will drive him to defeat Gaea. It has to.
The poem stays in his hand. He refuses to give it back until Will explains, but the intent is clear. He will give it back. His posture says enough. It's when Will begins to explain that for the first time in a long time, Percy finds himself surprised.
'You have to understand that Hannibal's primary goal is his own amusement.'
'…To be honest, I could imagine the Sheriff picking the Bounties based solely on what he finds the most amusing.'
'At home, he's the most prolific serial killer in the world.
'You would have to put yourself in his frame of mind. To watch the proceedings as if they were nothing more than a game. But that is a dangerous frame to be in.'
'Wouldn't that make someone like a sociopath?'
'It would, yes. And that is why I wouldn't necessarily recommend stepping into their shoes. But that is how you would predict the Sheriff's decisions, I would think.'
Will's explanation ignites several feelings as he continues and Percy finds himself pulling Winston a little closer, the half-eaten bowl of fruit temporarily forgotten. There's surprise, first and foremost. He wonders how long they all would have gone without suspecting Hannibal had they not spoken together and started to assess everyone they know. He wonders how long Hannibal's known, what he truly finds amusing, how he ticks. There's worry for Will because it sounds like a dangerous situation to be in no matter how much they love each other. There's annoyance and a little anger at the fact that Hannibal's been stringing them along, biding his time while they're freaking out over what to do. There's panic that something may happen, that other people may get hurt and he can't protect them. There's confusion of why these two men would prefer to die.
But the one thing Will will notice is that there are two primary things. There's a lack of fear, and a hint of understanding.]
…Dr. Lecter acts just like any other counselor I've known. Guiding where it fits, but ultimately sitting back and watching people make their own decisions and watch the events play out before the cycle starts over.
[There's a lingering pause.] I know you and Dr. Lecter love each other but…are you in danger, Will? [Again, it's a soft, almost childish question. He thinks about his own mother again who stayed with a horrible man for so many years to protect Percy, who brushed off Gabe's behavior despite knowing what he was doing. He doesn't think it's like this, but it does make him wonder.]
Why did you put Dr. Lecter in prison? And how did he get out anyway? [A shake of his head.] Never mind, maybe that part doesn't matter.
[…he ducks his head again when Will mentions him and how the two of them view him. It's…something, isn't it? To be liked among serial killers.]
That's also the real reason Dr. Lecter doesn't use his skills in trial. He wants to be amused and watch what we're doing. [It makes sense, in a fucked up way. He takes a breath though.] Baiting us to see if we'll notice what should be obvious, but absolutely isn't. It's…I knew a guy like that once. But I don't think he was a serial killer until he became possessed. [Luke was a weird, weird case.] And Dr. Lecter being…the Deputy--[He finally, finally says it]--that's why Russell was put in the stocks. He really was doing it for me, in a way. But Annabeth. Does that mean he put her there because he wanted to see what we'd do? Did he think she would die?
[Those are the wrong questions, yes, but it hurts. It still hurts knowing the final pieces and putting things together, the events of this downfall. But it's not about him. This is about Dr. Lecter and Will and Percy trying not to get caught in the crossfires of information.]
…for an empath, someone who's capable of an entire spectrum of emotion, doesn't that hurt you though? Or has he learned to be attune to it and really help you? And when you say that he hasn't really killed out of compulsion here, that means…that he has though. Right? Like I have, but for another reason. [It's the "note really" that sticks out to him, actually.]
Dr. Lecter is a very smart man. It takes someone clever to calculate how to play the game this way and…well, there's a reason so many people respect him and don't suspect him at all. [He's not sure how to feel.] Isn't there some stupid phrase about idle brains and devil hands or something? That's what this is, isn't it? It's Dr. Lecter wanting to change the direction of the game. That's why now. That's why he's choosing to reveal himself piece by piece to us.
[There's definitely a lot of judgment, and yet he's calm and rational about it. Percy has seen far too much in his life and has entertained enough dark thoughts to ever immediately jump to conclusions and anger. Not when several lives depend on it.]
You've known? [That's the surprise, actually.] Both of you? He…but…[Why!!!] If he's bored and doesn't want to play, wouldn't it be better for all of us to agree how to fix this?
[He's terrified then, though not for himself. He's terrified what will happen if the others decide they really do need to take down Hannibal without a solid plan. It's easier for Percy to frame this in mind now that it's "monster" versus "man." He still respects Dr. Lecter, but it's in an entirely different way. Plus, there's Will.]
Will. [There's a hitch to his voice.] How…would you even set something up like that? What's Dr. Lecter really capable of doing to any of us who try to change the game ourselves? […and yet there's something that resonates there. "I'm his keeper." Not for the first time when speaking to Will he thinks of Annabeth.
He thinks of dark, dark places well below the mortal world, thinks of the goddess of misery, Akhlys. The hopelessness and frustration start to seep in, remembering the way the goddess had tricked them and started to poison them. Back then, Percy's primary goal was Annabeth. Save Annabeth. Protect Annabeth. The anger that overtook him, the instinct to fight that unleashed his rage…the power he felt as he controlled Misery's tears and fumes, choking her with the manipulation of liquids, never wanting to stop, wanting to see how much Misery could take because, well, isn't that what Misery is? But then there was Annabeth. There was Annabeth who cried out to him, begged him to stop, Annabeth that stuck by his side despite the dark corners that lurked in his mind, Annabeth that loved him unconditionally and Annabeth he would die for and kill for.
This, he thinks, is maybe why he can understand a little. Naturally he doesn't agree with killing people for whimsy or doing things just because. But he can understand how emotions can mess with someone. He understands that Dr. Lecter and Will have each other and focus on each other, just like he understands he and Annabeth work together for good.
"I'm the only one who can contain him properly, can keep him at bay."
Another blip of understanding. Originally, Hal threatened Percy with the coal miner job. Without Annabeth, he found himself growing more and more broken and frustrated and reckless. So, again, he can understand.
Perhaps that's the only difference. Percy has murdered hundreds upon hundreds of monsters to fight for what he loves. Hannibal did, too. They just happened to be people.]
…I think they call that co-dependency, Will. [Just. A thought. He breathes deeply to try and organize his head, to help Will, but there are so many questions.]
What will really happen to my friends if they decide to go after Dr. Lecter? [A beat.] I'm at risk too now, aren't I?
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For a moment, for a brief, brief moment, Will wishes he met Percy in normal circumstances and before -- before he became what he is. Percy is a good kid and Will's sure he has his own parents but -- god, what a stupid thought. He thinks of Abigail again for a brief moment and tries not to feel sick.
First, he'll just answer Percy's questions. Cautiously and one by one. ]
Hannibal likes to play God. [ The irony of it makes Will laugh for a moment, soft and breathy, as he looks up to the ceiling. ] He probably finds it absolutely amusing that he's befriended a demigod. He's also fond of Greek... myth, well. It's myth for us. I'm never quite sure how to talk about it with you, since it's your reality.
[ But that's not quite the point here, just idle commentary. Instead -- ]
I'm not in danger with Hannibal. Not anymore.
[ He pauses then slightly before setting his bowl to the side and finally lifting up the hem of his shirt. No, Percy will see why he never participates in the strip searching. From one end of his stomach to another, a scar in the shape of a smile goes across his middle. Will looks at it for a moment before sighing and letting his shirt drop. ]
Hannibal gutted me once with a kitchen knife. Pulled me into a hug and slashed my stomach for my troubles. I finally figured out what he was, didn't want to be the one to catch him but didn't want to escape with him. That's what he left me with.
[ And then he lifts a hand to touch the scar on his forehead, the one that goes from middle to near the top of his ear. ]
This one was when Hannibal tried to lobotomize me. We couldn't be together, couldn't exist in the same space without trying to kill each other, so he tried to cut out my brain and eat it. Then, we'd always be together, in his opinion.
[ He drops his hands then, shrugging as he takes another blueberry. ]
Both of those happened as a result of us not being able to exist together. I said, in his opinion, Hannibal courted me for a long time. I resisted for a reason, Percy. Now that I stopped resisting, there's no need to hurt each other anymore.
[ He also decides to answer the prison question anyway. It's not necessary but it might shed light for Percy on why they are the way they are. Why Hannibal especially is acting like he is here. ]
I put him there because I wanted to be left alone. I knew he'd only turn himself in if I rejected him -- he'd have nothing left on the outside world. All his indulgences, the wines and food and art, it wouldn't matter to him anymore if he didn't have me. So, I rejected him and he refused to let it stand. The only way he could know I always knew where he was is if he was in prison.
He's not in prison because even while in it, he was able to take away everything I built for myself -- a good life without him, with a wife and a stepson. I retired and I was happy but he shattered it with a few phone calls and by giving my address to another killer. At that point, I knew neither of us could live without each other. So, I broke him out and before he could do anything, I threw the both of us off a cliff and into the Atlantic ocean. I think we'll drown. I hope we'll drown. The Sheriff took us as we were plummeting. Hannibal says if we don't, he wants to retire to Cuba. Either way, he's not bothering anyone else but me, is he?
[ It's freeing, in a way, being completely and utterly honest about what Hannibal is, what Will has done with him. All he wants is Percy to open his eyes, to play with a full deck for once and see where he goes from there. He can't give Percy anything else but this -- a clear picture of who he's up against. Even if Percy doesn't share it with anyone (which Will hopes he won't, the rest of them don't need to know the details to know Hannibal is a danger) at least there's Percy. ]
What fun is it if he solves these things for you? He wants to watch, yes.
Russell was put in the stocks because Chane asked Hannibal to put him there, Percy. Chane was dear to us, the both of us. I lied for her when it came to Nui, I never actually recommended her a book, and Hannibal and I helped her cut Lust up into pieces and dispose of the body. She didn't have the strength to do the job herself and came to us for help. They both saw you grieving and thought exposing Russell would be a good choice.
As for Annabeth... I can't explain that in full but essentially, yes. He wanted to see what would happen. He didn't know she would die though.
[ But they're still going. They're still going and there's a lot of questions to answer here and Will decides he wants to answer every single one. What would Percy do with all this information? He hopes he's making the right choice here. ]
Hannibal has a grasp of his emotions unlike anyone else I know. I wasn't lying when I called him my anchor. He's like soothing white noise at most, because he's so consistent. Nothing phases him. His heart never races and he's always in control. He's the most relaxing person I've ever met.
[ And -- ]
The Sheriff has used you both for disposal. He's only killed when the Sheriff has asked, he'd prefer to watch and the murders here -- they aren't his style. He considers himself more of an artist and the grandiosity he favors wouldn't work here. So, he'd rather not partake, just observe.
[ It really is a relief saying this out loud because voicing it makes it real, doesn't it? Always caught in metaphor with Hannibal, always hanging on the edges, but right here it doesn't really matter. He doesn't have to cage it in vague references and soft metaphor. He can just state it plainly. Hannibal is a monster. ]
Yes. Like I said, he's getting bored. Letting you dangle for longer would've grown stale. He was relieved when he got the Sheriff's note, then it meant he could be himself again.
[ Then Percy is shocked again and Will blinks, looking to Percy and a hand lifts to almost reach out and comfort but he opts not to. Winston at least is there to lick at Percy's chin again and settle in his lap. He does what Will cannot and Will is grateful. ]
He doesn't know who is what specifically, but he has ideas. He doesn't need empathy to see what's going on. He only asked for one reward and it was a warning, once the Bounties figured him out. I imagine it was Friday? That's when you all came to the conclusion that something was wrong with Hannibal? Meant to go after him this week? So, the Sheriff sent the note Saturday morning. All Hannibal knows is that you know it's him. He only has his suspicions from there.
And it would be better if it was anyone but Hannibal. He wouldn't see the point in it. [ He hears Bedelia in his head and closes his eyes, breathing soft as -- ] Contrapasso, Percy. If you play, you pay.
[ God, he hates Bedelia. ]
No. Hannibal doesn't care about winning or losing the game. You can change the game all you want, he'd love to see how you do it. Would thrill in it, in fact. But if you come to him, you will meet your death. That's all I can say about that.
[ He grows quiet as he lets Percy think, idly lifting his hand towards Winston who looks pleased as Will scratches his ears. Winston's really been the one to see it all, meeting Will the same day he met Hannibal. Will's never questioned the fact Winston is here with him. If anyone was here with him besides Hannibal, of course it would be Winston, wouldn't it? Winston and --
Will glances towards the window where he sees the ruffling feathers of the ravenstag as it looms in the night and stares right at the two of them sitting on the floor. He wonders if he should be afraid but he is not. The ravenstag is as consistent as Winston, as Hannibal. The three of them together make up the whole of this relationship, Will thinks. There isn't any other way.
He's still watching the stag loom in the moonlight when Percy speaks again and all Will can do is give a wry grin. ]
It is. He fostered it in me long before I could be aware of what was happening. Killed everyone important to me and made it so he was the only one left. When the Devil stands on a pile of corpses and offers you his hand, you take it. What else are you to do? I've never felt like anyone like I feel for Hannibal. I'm sure that'd be the same in any universe, any reality. Just -- this one, it's not as clean. It's not as neat.
[ He sighs and takes a strawberry. He'd make a comment then, a joke -- they're less Achilles and Patroclus as Hannibal would like and more Hades and Persephone. Hannibal would probably not appreciate the comment and he's not sure what that would correlate to in Percy's world. So, he keeps quiet. He looks to Percy again, eyes fixed on his knee as he answers the final question. ]
If any of your friends come to attack him, they'll die. But, if you just want to talk to him, Percy -- I think he'd like that.
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To understand the game, one has to put themselves in the shoes. To understand Hannibal Lecter, one has to put themselves in his shoes, too.
So of course he listens. Of course he watches Will with wide green eyes, using Winston as a force to ground himself and focus. He has a lot of moments he wants to interrupt, but he forces himself to bite back words. Information. He needs information. He needs to understand.
Killing people, of course, is still wrong. But is he in a place any longer to judge? Maybe not. So, likewise, he takes each explanation one by one.]
Guess that makes sense then, why he said God can't exist with an attitude like mine. [There's a hint of a smirk. Naturally Hannibal would find everything amusing about the situation. Is that, perhaps, why he's also stayed alive so long? It wouldn't be the first time that a monster has kept Percy around solely for entertainment value. This is just more upfront than usual.] It's okay. I thought it was myth, too, before my math teacher turned out to be a Fury, my Latin teacher revealed himself to be a centaur, and my father claimed me. I get it.
"Not anymore" isn't entirely assuring either. [But when he sees the scars, he goes quiet again. Part of him moves like he's about to touch to see if they're real because it's…quite macabre, isn't it? But he doesn't. His hand curls into a loose fist and rests on Winston instead. It makes his stomach twist uncomfortably, chest tight to think of someone doing this to another person just to isolate them.
It is, essentially, in his mind, abusive. It's abuse and it's horrifying and he doesn't like it, but what can he do? Will just told him not to tell anyone. Will told him to keep quiet. Will knows what Hannibal's capable of and though his emotions are ranging between horrified and sad, he remains mostly okay, if wondering.]
…Will, that's really, really messed up. [It's whispered like he doesn't know what to do and he finds himself blinking back angry tears as he really thinks all of this over. This isn't his battle. It's Will's. He has his own battle to fight, but…it's hard, isn't it? To admit this to another person. He admires Will's bravery for that, at least.] It's like…he bullied you into being with him even when you said no. Fought you until you didn't have a choice. But…he won't hurt you now that you're together. But you also said that Dr. Lecter might kill you? I don't understand that part. Why was he so fascinated with you?
He would do anything so long as it meant you'd pay attention and see him for what he was. That's it, isn't it? That's all that mattered to him. It wasn't just love it was…obsession? Something like that. He took away everything from you so that you could return the attention to him. Rely on him because he was the only one that made sense. [He remembers what Natalie said to him about Will and the ocean.] …I'm a child of Poseidon. Normally, I can't drown. But suffocating is one of the scariest things there is.
[Both physically and emotionally. It's why he lets Will talk. It's why he lets Will tell his story and takes it at face value the way he always does, intently listening and processing and being. He understands what kind of man Hannibal is suddenly and…it's scary. It's very, very scary. And yet:] If you go away…then he's free to hurt everyone else. But with his favorite thing, he's content to sit back and enjoy the show just like Sheriff Hal. That's why Hal picked him, I bet. Someone who would have the right tools and will, but would choose to use them uniquely.
[He scrubs at his face then, shivering a little just because it's so much. It's unjust and unfair and horrifying but like Percy's life as a demigod, this is Will's reality. How can he help something like this?]
Chane…was a good lady. I liked her. [The words are soft and quiet. Chane was sweet but apparently also crazy. How many people here had monsters lurking underneath the skin? He tilts his head though…and something occurs to him.] …if Russell killed Annabeth and Chane killed Nui, an independent party killed Riku. [He breathes out, but he won't touch it yet. No. He needs…to think.] Hal wasn't lying then when he was it was people that wanted to help me…I get it now. I…Russell shouldn't have died the way he did, but only because it was Sara. Sara shouldn't have had to kill him. [But he has trouble feeling total remorse for Russell. It's too early.] I…Annabeth's safe for now. She has to be. She's written to me, she has to be okay.
[Another breath.] …she's my constant, too. Everything I'm doing it's for her and my friends here. But her. I need her. I need her here, I need her safe, I need her to be with me. I promised, Will. I promised I'd never let her out of my sight again, I would follow her to Tartarus all over again if it meant being with her. So. I can understand throwing yourself into the ocean. Having someone to stabilize you. [And then, quickly.] I'm not unstable. But Annabeth's always had my back and kept me alive. She keeps me…from losing control myself.
[So there's that. He frowns heavily then. If Chane killed Nui…and the Sheriff used both himself and Hannibal for disposal…] He killed Riku, didn't he? And possibly Ana. Independent kills. Because the Sheriff will never make the Deputy or the Coal Miner a Bandit.
[Again, he can't judge. He's done the same thing. Does this make him any better than Hannibal? Why is he doing this? For love. For people he loves, to help, do play the game, and oh gods, it's unsettling. The whole thing is unsettling, knowing they're working on a clock. He's unaware of the fact that he's still shivering even until he sees Will's hand move and feels Winston lap at his face. It's then he focuses again, taking another deep, steadying breath.]
Suppose it's time a lot of us start coming clean. [He makes a face then.] …we started to suspect I guess, yeah. But it was only tonight we all saw the note. We're still…thinking, I guess. But I've always understood the risks of playing. That doesn't mean I want to lay down and die. Doesn't mean I want anyone else to die, either. I want to win. We just don't know how yet.
…Dr. Lecter really is a monster that way, isn't he? [Monsters are reality. He isn't unsettled by that. He's nervous, worried that he'll mis-step and lose everything, but he'll press on the way he always does.] I can warn them…but I can't stop them.
[He lets Will bond with his dog, watching the way Will handles himself. He watches Will watch the window and he wonders what Will sees. What's Will's actual reality? He remembers what Will's said about his head and again, it hurts to think something like this is someone's life. Why do people have to hurt? But. He nods.]
It's not healthy, Will. But…I think…maybe it is safer. It's an amplified version of love. [He would kill for Annabeth, of course. But…monsters, mortals, they're starting to blur together for him and he hates it, finds himself still feeling queasy as he feels Okabe's dried blood under his nails. He can't say he fully understands, but it's enough. He has to try. Keep the monster happy, and, perhaps, things will be in harmony. But at what cost?]
…I have no plans to attack Dr. Lecter. But I would like to speak to him if you really think he'd allow it. I…there are several things I want to ask him. I'd like to talk to him to see if there's another way.
[…and then, there's one more thing.] You never told me how you would plan to set yourself up for death if something does happen to Dr. Lecter. You would be careful, wouldn't you? [He worries, really. He can't stop Will either, but he can worry about what this means. It's clear, there. He wants Will to be safe above all else…but he also trusts Will.
And it's why he chooses then to lean forward, Hannibal's letter clipped between two fingers for Will to take back.]
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No, not like you're thinking of. Our relationship is drenched in a layer of violence, if not to each other than to everyone else around us. Jagged edges and blood soaked corners. There isn't anything safe about being with Hannibal Lecter.
[ But, and isn't there always a but? ]
... Hannibal is still better with me. Happier. Content to be idle. And I -- [ He pauses, this is always hard to acknowledge. ] I'm just as content, honestly. I've tasted it here -- what it's like to be with Hannibal and just. Just be. It's something I want. He would attempt to kill me if I left but I don't want to so there's no threat.
[ And then he pauses, considering. ]
... Or not. I actually don't know that for certain anymore. It's been true of the past but Hannibal does have a certain whimsy. He might be too sad if I tried to leave to kill me for it.
[ But everything Percy continues to say is right and there's nothing Will can do to argue it or deny it or anything. Instead he stays silent and watches Percy quietly as he lets Percy go over the facts here. He's right, he's right, he's right, and it's something fascinating to hear someone else lay out their relationship so simply. It makes Will seems like a victim and that's nothing he's ever really considered himself as. He's Hannibal's family, his nakama as he once told Chiyoh. Hannibal is his -- He's his soulmate, to put it simply. ]
... That's the reason I'm here, I think. It hurts but my presence keeps Hannibal steady so Hannibal can play the game. It doesn't matter what I do, just my existence is enough to provide to this game. That's why it doesn't matter if I do anything or not.
[ And Percy continues, so good in his assessment, so accurate in every way. Will can't say anything, just listens to the gentle breathing of the ravenstag in the window and quietly eats another piece of fruit. His fingers idly wipe juice off on the shirt again and he feels satisfaction, even in the small movements.
There is also something about Percy talking about Annabeth now, trying to understand Hannibal and himself through his relationship that makes Will feel ill. He doesn't want Percy to compare the two to them because this -- this isn't right. He's well aware of how messed up his relationship with Hannibal is, he doesn't need Percy to sully his own just to understand. So, he doesn't acknowledge it. Instead, he quietly confirms -- ]
Yes. Riku and Ana were his, because the Sheriff asked.
[ Will still continues to be silent. There isn't anything he can say in response because all he can do is agree. He can't help, can't give advice, nothing like that but Percy's own assessments of Hannibal ring true. Hannibal is a monster, he is a beast, he is the Devil incarnate and Will accepts him wholly regardles. He loves him, he loves him so much it hurts and for a moment -- he wants to be back upstairs, arms curled around the other man and ears pressed to his heartbeat. ]
Our love is dark, dirty, obsessive, but it's still love, Percy. There's understanding there -- and real happiness together, even if it doesn't make sense. It's not healthy, no, but monsters can only love other monsters. Our broken pieces match together perfectly.
[ It took a long time for Will to realize that, chasing after what he thought should be real love instead of this dark thing inside of him. Yet, despite it all, he really is only happy with Hannibal. Just Hannibal. So, it's simple enough what his answer is at the question -- ]
I will. I'd take the most straightforward option, as little pain as possible. The -- the point isn't to suffer, but just die so I could be with him again. We're not supposed to exist without each other, not anymore.
[ And he sighs softly, looking down at his bowl and surprisingly, there's only a strawberry left. He takes it and pops it into his mouth, idly thinking of how pomegranate would be more fitting, wouldn't it? After, it's a matter of reaching out with his free hand to take his note back. That goes back into his pocket after as Will stands up to go put his bowl in the sink and wrap up the rest of the fruit salad for anyone else to have. ]
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And yet, here are two men so co-dependent and wrapped around each other that they’re content and happy. Here are two men whose focus is on each other and everyone else is probably expendable. Or, at least, somewhat at risk of being in the way of a violent and dangerous burst. Will wants nothing but to be content and at peace. He’s ensnared the monster and kept him on a leash. And sometimes, Percy thinks, that monster drags him forward without restraint.
He says nothing, but there’s a blip of sadness before there’s acceptance. Will has chosen his life. Percy’s upset about it, but he understands this is a choice. He thinks of people who’ve been manipulated by the darkness, of monsters who whispered promises of better lives. Is Hannibal that to Will? He’s not sure.]
It would make sense, wouldn’t it. [What a horrible, sad truth.] And that’s why Hal left your empathy on. He also knew that, too. [He makes a disgruntled noise as Will confirms Hannibal’s kills.] He asks a lot of us. I’ve never been sure what he thinks he’s playing or why.
[But…well. He shuts up again. It’s not healthy, but monsters can only love other monsters. Does Will really see himself as a monster? Broken pieces that match…he thinks of Annabeth again, how they meld together, but now he sees it. He sees the difference. His love with Annabeth is something light and strong and steady. Something for good and for the world. Hannibal and Will…he sees it now.
And yet he can understand the one point.
“The point isn’t to suffer, but just die so I could be with him again. We’re not supposed to exist without each other, not anymore.”
She looked at me, like she was drinking in the fact that I was still here. And I realized I was doing the same thing. The world was collapsing, and the only thing that really mattered to me was that she was alive.
He understands.]
I hope that day never comes then, Will. [But he watches Will stand up and he pets Winston once more, scooting the dog out of his lap to also stand even as he pops one more piece of orange into his mouth. He’s going to be taking this to his room, at least.]
…thank you for explaining everything to me. I’ll…use it the best way I can. To help instead of hurt. [He hopes. He knows he can’t control everything, but he’s going to try as hard as he can.] And I’m going to try to write to Annabeth tonight.
You’ll be okay for now?