Cover up everything you know, come save me from the awful sound of nothing [W4, Monday Night]

[hydrokinetics]

[The horse being out of his room helps, but even so Percy finds it hard to sleep. The day's events have been exhausting, strange and mildly unsatisfying. He had received the answers he needed from Sheriff Hal and yet he felt...empty.

Knowing there really was nothing he could have done to save the one person he loves more than the worlds themselves was heartbreaking, but how is it possible for a heart to break when it's already snapped? And maybe that's what happened. Maybe Sara was right. Maybe Percy already snapped. He can't recall feeling anything beyond the horribly strange blankness settling on his chest like a weight, threatening to crush him if he dared try to feel anything.

Guilt and anger and grief had stricken him multiple ways over the weekend, but now he's just...hollow.

And it's for that reason the air is static and quiet when Will enters the lounge. Percy sees him from his place on the couch near the fire, Mrs. O'Leary asleep next to him and his eyes staring straight ahead to seemingly bore straight into Will's head.

Will. How did Will know? It had bothered Percy since Saturday, but he didn't trust himself to speak to the man before now. So with the opportunity in his hands, he takes it.]

Hello, Will. [Even the tone is void of any kind of emotion, measured and careful.] What are you doing up?

Comments

[sweats]

[ There's a particularly painful twist to grief. Something that Will's become quite accustomed to during his time on the NOPD. It became even more potent, more harrowing when he joined the Bureau. It's a feeling of being both too empty and too full at once, as if everything's been overridden by an incredible blankness that spills out of the person's nose and ears and eyes. There's nothing you can really do for grief, except let it pass.

This is, of course, what Will picks up on as he steps into the lounge. Percy's grief is all consuming and washing over everything with an emptiness that makes the air acidic. Will pauses, wincing as his mind is assaulted with it and it takes a few blinks for his head to clear enough for him to focus on Percy. Winston, at his heels, notices this and curls a lip at Percy in defense of Will. ]

Having a drink. [ He lifts the bottle of whiskey in his hand, a shoulder follows right after. ] Talking to you now.

[ He takes a few steps closer, twisting the cap off the bottle and taking a swallow. Then he leans against the arm of the couch nearby, Winston still at his heels and still wary. ]

Though, I have a feeling this is less talking and more accusing. Is there something on your mind, Percy?

[hydrokinetics]

[He doesn't seem to realize it, fooling himself into thinking his blankness is the best route. He's a bit surprised by Winston's response but unlike the boy of the past he does nothing to sooth the dog or try to draw him nearer. Instead, he keeps his attention on Will.

In a way, if Percy thought about it too much, listening to Will and Hannibal at this weekend's trial had been a bit horrible in its own way. He should be happy they're still together, and of course he is. Even now he's not that cruel, remembering his promise to Dr. Lecter to do what he can to help them play the game. But still, despite being flanked by Xion and later by other people all day, there was a wall of space where Annabeth should have been.

So. He thinks now, wondering if Will is alone on purpose or if Dr. Lecter's away, wondering what Will's true deal is. It's why he says nothing for a moment even when Will approaches.]

What, you don't already know that, too? [It's a snide remark more than anything, not meant to imply much. How did he know? How could he have known about Annabeth?]

[sweats]

[ This is why, Will thinks, this is why he keeps to himself. He lives in the middle of nowhere with no one around for miles -- only Molly and Walter and their dogs. He lived in an easy peace for three whole years before Jack Crawford came knocking again. So now, he has no Molly. he has no Walter, and he only has Hannibal. Jack and the Dragon took everything from him in one fell swoop and all Will was able to do now was --

Well, at first it was drown. Now, he's not sure. Hannibal's promised him Cuba but Hannibal's promises are a deadly venom ready to strike at any time.

Will sighs and holds the bottle loosely between his parted legs, sitting on the arm of the couch and watching Winston sit attentively and stare at Percy just as Percy stares at Will. ]

You want to ask me about what I said about Annabeth at the trial. I was alarmingly correct in my assessment, more than you're comfortable with and as a result, you think I had a hand in her death. The fact I've never really talked to her is enough to put you on edge and since we never caught her killer, and any behavior that sticks out to you is enough to send you chasing after it like a shark that smelled blood.

[ He looks to Percy then, eyebrow raised. ]

Am I close?

[hydrokinetics]

[He raises an eyebrow right back, not entirely mirroring the expression but the first show of any sort of tell in the conversation. He doesn't do anything, doesn't lean forward as he sometimes does and for once, he isn't fidgeting. He's still and silent as he scans his face, looking for how he could possibly know that, too.

Of course it had occurred to him (quite idly, actually) that maybe Will had a hand in Annabeth's death. That maybe his callousness and Dr. Lecter's kindness were all a facade and he needed to bail while he could. And yet he thinks of the things Hannibal told him, and he gives Will another considering look.]

Somewhat. [He tilts his chin up, though it does nothing to make him look more confident.] You're right about everything other than thinking I think you had a hand in her death. It would be disrespectful to believe that Dr. Lecter would lie for you that much, but you have to admit that the rest of it is very questionable.

[Then again, he and Annabeth lie for each other when facing enemies often enough. No, no, let's not go down that path. Let's move away from becoming an army of one. He can't help anyone here if he does that.] Will. How did you know?

[sweats]

[ It takes a lot of restraint from Will not to laugh at the mention of Hannibal. Instead, he drags his free hand over his face, scratching at his beard as he stares off across from him, eyes fixed at a point on the wall. He isn't... upset about this conversation with Percy, but it's one he wished to avoid. ]

Hannibal isn't much for lying, no.

[ Half-truths are his game. He'll never lie, it makes things less interesting for him. Instead, he always says exactly what he means down to the letter, even if it isn't clear why he meant it until much, much later. Will's spent too long decoding him to not understand that part. ]

And that's a trait we share. Do you know what empathy is, Percy? Not sympathy. Empathy.

[hydrokinetics]

[Whatever Will might have been expecting, it probably wasn't a curious look and a blip of interest passing through. He's less defensive though he continues to regard Will carefully, nodding slowly in response to such a question.]

Yes. [He thinks about Grover, thinks about how the two of them forged their Empathy Link when Percy was thirteen and how it had both helped and frustrated him throughout the years. He thinks about Camp Jupiter when he wandered in alone and unsure of who he was, how it was sensed on him by other fauns. Empathy, Percy knows, is something that could be overwhelming, and sometimes possibly get you killed.] Why?

[He thinks he has an idea where Will's trying to take this, but as far as he knows Will is just...the weird, awkward dog man. Empathy isn't often found in regular mortals.]

[sweats]

[ He catches the interest because of course he does, a blaring signal for him like everything else. A lift of a hand and Will taps his temple before dropping it, shrugging. ]

The way my brain works, it's different than everyone else. Hannibal's the only one who really understands it. I have an excess, Percy. Of empathy.

[ He takes another swallow then from his drink, thinks of how he explained it to Xion a few days ago. Lay it bare. Simple point A to point B. Over-complicating it leaves to misunderstandings, it leads to Jack Crawfords. ]

It's like a sponge. Whatever you feel, I absorb. I can see it, I can understand it, and I feel it -- whether I want to or not.

[ He frowns then, head dropping to stare at the floor. This is the only way he can explain the Annabeth portion, even if he'd rather not want to. ]

There's... more to it too, but if I explain it, I want you to promise me that you won't ask me to use it here, Percy. Not for any of the trials. Not for any of the victims. I will say no.

[hydrokinetics]

But--[He begins to protest, if only because he thinks of what something like that could do. He thinks of what help it could be to solving things in this game. But, again, he thinks of Hannibal. It's nearly impossible to think of Hannibal without thinking of Will and vice versa, but he thinks of what Hannibal told him about his previous career and why he chose not so showcase it here. People with false hope is just as dangerous as desperate people. Still, there's clear confusion even as he's trying to resettle on something neutral.

And that's the thing. Will may notice that he is, in fact, putting forth an effort to completely suppress what he's feeling. Almost as if he's experienced something like this before.]

I can only make that promise if you also promise me anything I tell you doesn't leave this room. [It's oddly serious and it's one of those instances he looks older than his age, world-weary and exhausted and frustrated all together. Still, he stares at Will and keeps a hand on Mrs. O'Leary to let him continue.]

I'd ask if you could shut it off, but it doesn't seem that way. Doesn't that mean that you feel everything Dr. Lecter does all the time, too? [But more importantly:] ...I won't ask you to use anything. I just need to understand how you knew what happened to her.

[sweats]

[ Will expected the protest, waits for Percy to change tracks and doesn't say anything in regards to it. Instead he sighs, keeps his gaze to the floor and continues to track Percy's change of moods, the fluctuations and his reactions.

When Percy asks him to promise, Will does look up to shoot a wry grin at Percy, not quite meeting his eyes. ]

I would hope this conversation stayed between the two of us. So, yes. I'll keep your secrets, Percy.

[ Then the follow up, which is agreement enough for Will, has him nodding and continuing to explain. ]

I don't only feel what Hannibal feels. I feel what everyone feels. It's why I don't speak at the trials, keep to myself -- that amount of emotion in one room, it makes me sick. Hannibal's the only one who can help me out of those places, where my mind is forced to wander.

[ And then he sighs, really ready to admit the nitty gritty of it. He takes another plug from the bottle, longer than the last few and enough to make him cough. A hand reaches up to wipe the corner of his mouth with a thumb and he looks at the ceiling. ]

I used to work for the FBI, Percy. I was a professor, taught at Quantico. Criminal psychology. Profiling. That sort. How To Catch Killers 101, and not your every day type but the bad ones. The ones that carved eyes out of girls and strung them up to trees, or abducted children from their homes and skinned them while they cried. Sometimes I'd be pulled out of my classroom and into the field for this because, well, there's a neat sort of thing my brain does on top of all this.

[ He hesitates. He hates this. He's so bitter about being the FBI's show pony. About being Jack Crawford's prized cattle. That Will Graham, he can think like anyone. He can be like anyone. Who cares what was left after?

It's funny, in retrospect, how the only one who did care about what was left was Hannibal. ]

I can look at a crime scene -- and the fresher they were, the better -- and I can replay every second of the murder in my head from start to finish. Killer, victim, whoever. I knew each and every thought that went through their head as if I was the one killing. Or dying. As long as I got a glimpse of it, bam. I knew what happened. There was never any doubt. An automatic reaction. I caught a lot of bad, bad people like this, Percy.

[ And then he smiles but it's bitter and broken. This next part -- it isn't the whole truth but it's what he needs to say to Percy. To make this okay again. ]

After a while, I couldn't tell what was reality and what wasn't. I couldn't tell if I was really killing those people or not. I'd just -- I would blink and there would be blood on my hands and I wouldn't remember how I got there. It would take long seconds until I realized I was trapped in my imagination. [ He looks to Percy then, smile on his face but it doesn't reach his eyes. ] One time, I wasn't trapped. It wasn't -- it wasn't mine but when you spend twenty minutes carving a girl's face before realizing you're awake and at work, you don't really recover from that.

I wanted to help, Percy, I did. The Bureau kept sending me out in the field and I couldn't say no. You get a picture of dead families by the dozen, you don't say no. It -- it took Hannibal's interference, a lot of his interference, honestly, to pry me away from that. I was losing my mind but what did it matter if I was saving people, you know? Hannibal wouldn't hear it though. He knew it was killing me, couldn't watch me die.

[ He sighs again and it's final, Winston shifting at Will's feet to reach up and lick his loose hand. ]

I quit. Three years ago, I quit and I haven't gone back. I'm sorry, Percy. Even in circumstances like this, it's not something I can use. I'll always -- I'll always know things, it's hard for me not to pick up things even if I stay inside and quiet during the investigations and trials, but it's not a quick-fix. Not unless I submerge myself and that's something I can't do.

[hydrokinetics]

[He's very quiet after that. It's clear that whatever he thought Will was going to say, it certainly wasn't that. His expression has gone back to being blank but his eyes are wide, concerned and upset and confused all at once. How. How does something like this happen? Why was someone like Will brought to a place like this? Hal managed to get all of Percy's powers turned off, so why did Will have to suffer with something else?

...suffering. Right. He answered his own question.

Regardless, he's curling his hands in his lap and nodding just as slowly, trying to think of the best way to explain it.]

It was weird enough having one link. I don't know if I can imagine links with every single person in the world. [It's murmured, but there. Will can ask if he likes but Percy's focus is on Will himself.]

I imagine that Dr. Lecter was right, you know. I don't know how a person could handle something like that, being separated from reality for so long. [He frowns.] He never said he met you because of the FBI, but I guess some other things make more sense to me now. [He won't go into what he and Hannibal discussed. Rather, he's blinking a bit to keep his own emotions at bay, forcing himself to be logical rather than emotional.]

So...you know everything every week, but to save yourself you don't try to replay the events. With the way some people have died, I...[And here he struggles. He has so many questions and he knows he promised, but it's hard. It's hard when you're a child and you just want justice, you want answers and there they are right in front of you. There's someone who knows what Annabeth was thinking, knows who her killer was, why they chose her and he can't do anything about it.

At the same time...he's not selfish enough to force someone to inflict pain on themselves. He's unaware of the scattered tears lining his lashes but he tilts his chin up again anyway.] I'm sorry.

[What else can he say? It's an awful, awful curse to bear and he's not even sure how to grapple with it.] Being with Dr. Lecter helps...?

[sweats]

[ Percy's comment does bring curiosity to the forefront for Will but he's not sure how to ask and he wants to be absolutely positive that Percy won't try anything, with knowing this. It's a risk. He knows Xion won't ask, she has her own things to consider with this but Percy... If Annabeth was still alive, he's sure Percy would ask when her time came. That's the only thing that makes this safe to share with him. ]

... Heh, yeah. Hannibal was supposed to help ground me and he did, but not in the way the Bureau expected, I think. He was only there to consult, and I was in the field more but we met for work. Then he kept feeding me and let me burst into his house at all hours of the day, when I couldn't be sure where my sanity was.

[ And at the explanation, he frowns slightly and his nod of agreement is jerky, but there. ]

I don't know everything. I can't without seeing, but I can... sense. There are tells people give, impossible to see for anyone else but like screaming for me. But I don't want to know. If I look, I can't stop and I have stay alive, for Hannibal. If I die -- [ He frowns, brow furrowing. ] If I die, Hannibal will get reckless. Won't care what happens after that and right now, he needs to be at his best since that's the only way he'll help the rest of you.

[ It sounds sensible to his ears but Will knows what he means by that. The only way Hannibal will keep up the good doctor facade, and actually actively help is he if finds it amusing enough to do so. Right now, he delights in their ignorance, revels in their reliance on him. People may get hurt but Hannibal will always help and do a good job at it -- unless he no longer finds the interaction to his pleasure. That would only happen if Will is dead. So, Will knows he has to stay alive for now.

The last question has Will's eyes flicking up to Percy's and he gives a short nod. He understands Percy's sympathy and he appreciates it, but it is what it is. Will has long accepted how it has to be. ]

Nothing bothers Hannibal. He's generally quite happy. Calm, too. And I love him so much, I end up defaulting to his headspace when I'm overwhelmed. The more of my senses that are just -- well, Hannibal, the less I focus on the excess. It's either that or booze.

[ He shrugs then, holding up his drink. ]

But I'll kill my liver this way. So, Hannibal it is.

[hydrokinetics]

[Makes sense. Percy's well aware that he would be reckless as well without any sort of guidance. Without Annabeth he nearly lost himself, but today's a little better. Today's a little more logical, Percy willing to listen to reason.]

So Hannibal it is. [He understands a little more than enough and he gives Will another contemplative little glance.] I already told Dr. Lecter I'd do what I could to help you both in this game. It's only fair. It's the only thing I can do now.

[He rolls his eyes to the ceiling, knowing that what he plans to say next isn't the same, necessarily, but it's something.]

But I get it, sort of. Annabeth and I function best as a team, always have, always will. There's nobody better for me than her...even when we first started dating, I knew how to fight with her better than how to be a good boyfriend. We work together like that. I don't have an Empathy Link with her because we can't form them with each other, but...she's my tie to my mortality. If I didn't have her as a tie, I would have been destroyed instead of becoming invincible. She keeps me on track, she watches my back and I know if our roles were reversed she'd do anything to find out who killed me and also finish this game.

[A shrug.] Not the same as having an Empathy Link with the world and having Dr. Lecter act as a pair of earmuffs, but I think I understand. [He still wishes to know.] ...I guess I was just afraid to face the truth that you were right.

[sweats]

[ There's a conflicting kind of reaction in Will at that, even if it doesn't show on his face. He keeps his gaze locked to the floor now and sighs, knowing that this is just a reflection of once again Hannibal's machinations. Hannibal doesn't care, he's doing this to watch the splintering up close and personal. He's not truly invested, never is. Not unless it had to do with Will.

So, he feels pity for Percy then. He would help them, wouldn't he? Because Percy is a good kid who believes in what Will and Hannibal present. The sad thing is -- they are happy and they are in love, a deep potent blood red love that Will would never let go of at this point. But they aren't good and that's why Percy can't protect them like this.

Still, it's not Will's place to say. Not yet. He promised participation when he slayed the Dragon. He wouldn't take back that blood oath. ]

I can't say I don't appreciate the thought, Percy.

[ But that's all he says as he listens to Percy continue, giving a slow nod in response. Some of this doesn't make quite sense -- some of it makes sense only because of what Hannibal has shared with him, he's unsure of how to react appropriately then. He looks up towards Percy, eyebrow raised. He's torn on where to go with his reply so he speaks, careful and calm. ]

What do you mean by Empathy Link?

[ And -- ]

I know it's hard to hear about someone's last moments. [ He speaks then, with experience of dealing with victims and his own jagged knowledge. ] I'm sorry I put you in that place, it wasn't my intent.

[ Another pause here and he lifts his hand to drag it over his face, scratching at his beard. ]

I don't think this will be the last you see of her, if it helps? This place... it's so liminal in nature, death seems impermanent. Like they're all just right there, waiting for a real finish.

[hydrokinetics]

[There's a nod because what can he say? He will do what he can for this game and for the people in it so long as they choose to accept his help. Maybe he can still be something of a hero. It's hard to say.

At Will's question though, there's a slightly sheepish smile.]

An Empathy Link. It's...kind of what you described? Sort of. It's a link I have with one of my best friends. He opened it with me a few years ago so I could see him in my dreams and see what he was doing. [Please know that I want to die, Squee, I hate my canon so much. Please also know Percy's probably saying all of this with a straight face.] Because of the Link, it's easier to sense where he's at and he can tap into my thoughts and I can communicate with him. We can pick up on basic emotions and feel them from each other, too. With the Link we're sort of bound together so if he dies, I'll probably bite it, too. But they can only work between us and satyrs.

[So that's pleasant. And might as well throw that out there. With regards to Annabeth though...] ...I'd say it's not your fault, but it pretty much is. [There's a soft breath.] I should have realized that's what happened in the first place. Maybe I was just hoping to be wrong.

You really think they're still kind of hanging around, Will?