hydrokinetics | Well you're so sick and tired of feeling so alone [W6, Sunday]

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Well you're so sick and tired of feeling so alone [W6, Sunday]

[It's late. Very, very, late. The night is cold and still and Percy can't sleep after everything that's happened. He also can't sleep knowing he still hasn't found Jason Todd.

He thinks then where Jason might go. He thinks of where he himself would go when he wanted to be alone. It's a crazy idea, and he knows Jason isn't like him, wouldn't seek refuge at the water...so he thinks of height and space. He looks out the window of the hotel, noticing there are no figures on any of the roofs of the buildings in town. It's only then he thinks another crazy thought...and begins his ascent up to the roof of the hotel.

His clothing is dirty and there are the beginnings of circles under his eyes again, but his face relaxes just slightly as he climbs and finds Jason on the hotel roof. He hauls himself up the rest of the way, wincing about his still-bruised hand but pushing forward until he's not dangling three stories up.]

If I don't make you come inside, can I join you?

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[Height and space is right. It's comforting, in a way, to find himself on the roof of a building during the late hours of the night. Even the cold, which he once used to abhor when it was just him and a condemned building, remind him of his home. Gotham wouldn't be this still, of course. And not even Gotham would be able to make him feel like he's ready to crawl back to his grave — but it's nice to pretend for a while.

If he closes his eyes, pulling his legs to his chest and burying his face in his knees, he can almost trick himself into thinking none of this is happening. That this is all a bad dream, and he'll soon wake up to Alfred reminding him it's a school day. That would be nice. That would be perfect.

But it's not realistic.

He's broken out of his reverie by the sound of someone climbing up to the roof, but he stays put even as Percy hauls himself up and speaks to him. Glancing up ever-so-slightly, only enough for Percy to see his eyes, he gives him a look of thorough exhaustion. He doesn't care what he does, honestly. He's free to join him if he wants. He's earned it, in a way. The execution was... nice. Not satisfying, not fun, but nice. ]

[He won't make him talk. He won't make him acknowledge him in any way but Percy crawls up the roof and reaches Jason's side to settle next to him. He doesn't try to touch him but he sits in a way to allow Jason to do as he pleases. If he needs a shoulder, Percy's offering his.

Depending, he may initiate himself, but for now he's content just to know Jason's here and Jason's safe. That's all he wants right now.]

...gotta say, I never thought about climbing this high. The highest I've been is the roof of the general store and the saloon. Is this where you were last night, too?

[Honestly, the idea of leaning on Percy's shoulder is far too tempting. The idea of any kind of comfort is nice at this moment, really, but Jason is far too much of a hypocrite to allow himself to indulge in it. There is something tight and painful sitting on his chest; it's a accompanied by a sense of disgust. If there's something that's always made him uncomfortable, it's being vulnerable around others.

Not that he can help it, this time. All he has left is misplaced anger and an all-encompassing numbness.

Jason curls in on himself, as if to take up as little space as humanly possible. Even so, he offers Percy a small but noticeable nod. This is where he spent the night yesterday, cold and angry and wishing to slam his fists into Will's face until there was nothing left. He understands now, at least, why that wouldn't have been a good idea. He doesn't need to become like his future self.

He might have felt better if he had, though.]

[If Jason continues to look like that, Percy will guide him. But for now he remains untouched and Percy sits as a solid presence at his side. Just being with someone…he hopes it will help now.]

…I'm not going to make you come inside. But I'll bring up a blanket at least, okay? No point in freezing on top of everything else. [But from there he falls silent, staring at the sky and the quiet, dead town.]

…she gave me something to tell you, you know. A note. [There's a little pause.] She knew this is what would happen and gave it to me on Friday. I didn't read it until after the trial, but…[Jason ran away.] If you want to hear it now, I can. Otherwise…just know I have it.

[He lets the silence sit again.] There are some things Natalie and I talked about before she died. About all of us. I want you to know them, but I understand if you just want me to stop talking, too. Gods knows I wanted everyone to stop after a while. [When Annabeth died, he means.]

[He's definitely going to continue to look like that. Sorry, Percy. But disappearing sounds very, very nice right now and he's so tired and exhausted and all he wants to do is go home. He doesn't know why he's alive. He doesn't know why he was brought back, given a second shot at life — for what? For someone else's entertainment? Not for the first time, he wishes he could have stayed dead.

There's a stab of betrayal here, the realization that Percy knew and kept it to himself hitting him hard. His expression remains unreadable, nonetheless, even as he rotates his head to face him as he speaks. There's a lot of things he wants to say here, and none than he can actually verbalize. So instead of forcing himself to dig out his pen and a rulebook to write, he holds out one of his hands, palm up.

If Percy has the note on him, he wants to see it himself. If not, then he can recite what he remembers. Either way, he's not telling him to shut up and that's... positive? Maybe. There's no real way to tell, when Jason is barely communicating, looking very much like he hasn't gotten a wink of proper sleep since Friday, 2:00 AM.]

[..there's a sigh, and Percy digs into his pocket. Any sign of life from Jason is a positive sign and though he doesn't know what Jason will do next, he doesn't hesitate to hand over the letter.]

I already read the important parts to everybody else.

[His hand closes around the note, probably wrinkling it a little but not enough to... you know. Ruin it. He doesn't know what to expect. He doesn't know if reading this will only make matters worse. He's not going to know unless he tries, though, and that's why he lifts his head up. Takes a look at the note.

Reads it.

And just. Kind of. Makes a weird, strangled noise — biting down on his lower lip and clamping his mouth shut. He knows it's too much when he feels the familiar sting of punctured skin, but he doesn't really care. He is, uh, definitely tearing up here. And Percy might definitely notice before Jason can press his hand to his eyes, trying to cover it up.]

[Yeah. He sort of felt similarly, but he knows this is harder on Jason. He doesn't know the full extent, but he knows they were close and knew how they felt about each other. He knew what Natalie was worried about prior to her death and he can see why now.

So. He doesn't say anything, but he does drape an arm around Jason's shoulders and pulls his head to his own shoulder. Take your hug and like it, Jason Todd. Jason did this for him not too long ago when the world became too much. Being supportive and a shoulder to cry on in return isn't even that hard at all.]

[Yeah. Percy will find it pretty easy to pull him into the hug, Jason only offering resistance for a second or two before allowing it to happen. He buries his face in Percy's shoulder, arms limp at his side but not refusing the gesture at all. There's a telltale shift as he leans forward, body shaking and breath uneven.

He will pull away later, thoroughly ashamed of himself for breaking down where someone can see him. But for now, he's going to accept the comfort he's been given, all but sobbing on Percy's shoulder until he's unable to anymore.

Sorry about your shirt, buddy.]

[He doesn't care about his shirt. He doesn't care about this and in a way he realizes how alike he and Jason can be. They're more than willing to lend a shoulder to a friend, stupidly loyal in ways unexpected, but they refuse to let themselves really feel their emotions too much out of a sense of shame and pride, maybe. Percy wonders if it's because Jason's similar in the fact that if he felt too much it'd overwhelm and destroy him.

It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because the moment Jason even moves there's another arm around him and he's keeping him close, pinning his head down with his chin to let Jason sob it out. The hand around his shoulder comes up to run along his hair and his back in a gesture he thinks might help, mostly a sign that he's protected up here and he's fine. He won't let Jason pull away immediately. Not until he gets it out of his system. He doesn't say "I'm sorry" or anything. That would make it worse.

He can be patient. This is the best thing for Jason right now, and he refuses to rush it.]

[In the future, someone will tell him the truth: He gets stupid when he's angry. His emotions cloud his judgment. He's far to quick to react when driven by a feeling, and even though Jason isn't about to end the world by water, there are other ways to destroy yourself and the people you love.

He's shaking, his sobs audible even as he presses his face against Percy's shoulder — half-hoping to smother himself to death. This isn't just about Natalie. It's not because of Xion and Shinnosuke, either, though their dead friends are definitely contributing to the problem. He's tired. He's exhausted. He hates how powerless and useless he feels, unable to do anything to protect the people he's come to care about. He was confused and overwhelmed when he first opened his eyes inside the old train, and that hasn't changed. The sheer sensation of being alive was enough to drive him to tears on that very first day, away from where anyone else could see.

He wishes he had remained dead. He wishes he didn't know what the future has in store for him, should he make it out of this place. So he will keep crying, and crying, and crying until he's all out of tears. When that moment comes, he stays still for the longest of moments before pressing the palm of of his hands against Percy's torso, pushing weakly.

He's tired. Just let him go to sleep and never wake up.]

[It's hard to listen to and hard to watch. He still remains a silent and steady presence and keeps Jason stabilized here with him as nearly seven weeks of frustration and hurt stream out of him. Idly, Percy thinks he wishes he had his ability to keep himself dry but that's just a passing thought out of his other thought that this world still isn't theirs.

It's not theirs, but Jason is his friend. This is his job as his friend, a mantle he's more than happy to take up. He doesn't know how to ask what Jason's thinking, but he figures Jason wouldn't want him to flat-out ask either.

When Jason pushes at him his arms loosen just enough to let him sit up, but there's still physical contact.]

...I know. [He understands that this place hurts too much.] I wish I had more answers than this for you. [There's a lingering pause.] If you're staying up here tonight, I'm staying with you. Okay?

[He presses the heels of his hands against his eyes, taking a few shaky breaths in an attempt to regain his ability to be calm. It doesn't really work, no. But at least he's not crying when he looks at Percy, even though he looks like absolute shit. Red eyes and dark undercircles is, as it turns out, not a good look.

Enough of that, however.

Shaking his head, he denies Percy's suggestion. Or, he tries to, anyway. He points downwards with one of his hands, indicating the floor below them. If Percy insists on staying with him, then he'll head back inside. He knows his friend is way too stubborn to be dissuaded, anyway.]

[He lets him gain his composure before shaking his head in return.]

Okay...[A hand moves to smooth out Jason's hair again before he finally lets go, looking down at the hotel again.] Inside. We can go inside whenever you want. Not too picky myself.

[Jason's right, he'll be stubborn 'til the end.]

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Well you're so sick and tired of feeling so alone [W6, Sunday]

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