And oh, my love, my love, we both go down together [W6, Monday]

[hydrokinetics]

Wise Girl,

I'm really not sure what to say, but here goes. Will this even get to you? It's an idea I'm trying out. I wonder if my letters will be censored to you the way yours are to me.

You have a lot of faith in me, don't you? You're the one with all of the ideas. I'm trying to figure it out as I go, but it's frustrating that Hal's blocking parts of your letters. It's more frustrating that you aren't here.

You probably want information, but I'm making you read my important parts first.

I miss you. I miss you like crazy. This...isn't the weirdest thing we've ever done, somehow, but knowing that Russell killed you isn't settling. This isn't like when we would write back and forth while you were in California and I was in New York. This isn't e-mail. This isn't "I'll write to you until I see you in the summer." This is "I'm terrified we're not going to win."

But I know better. Always do.

It's probably four in the morning but I can't sleep. Too much has happened and there's too much I need to tell you. If Harry's there with you, tell him I tried. I tried my best to give him a proper send-off and I'm sorry about his head. If Sara's there, tell her I'm trying with Mr. Barnham. If Felix is there, be careful. But you're all there, aren't you? On the train...everything. I'll keep it safe. Now that I know where you are, I won't let things out of my sight again.

So. Why did you tell me the Orpheus story? And about Mt St Helens? And about the best underwater kiss of all time? And my mom? Was this all to motivate me? I'm already motivated. I've been motivated since the day I collapsed on the porch of the Big House and you said to Chiron "“He’s the one. He must be." I've been motivated since I woke up at the Big House and found you spoonfeeding me to make sure I wasn't dead. I've been motivated since you told me I drooled in my sleep, since you used me to distract Clarisse to win that first game of Capture the Flag in the woods, since you volunteered to come with me on that first quest, since you said "if you’re going to save the world, I’m the best person to keep you from messing up.”

I've been motivated since I realized I need you. I don't plan on stopping now. You, me, and New Rome. That was the plan, wasn't it? I'm not stopping.

Also? Shut up, I stopped hanging out at your grave last Tuesday. And I'm happy to report I ate a fruit salad. Will made it.

Will made a lot of things clear to me, actually.

But I know you. Wisdom's Daughter wants information and I have a lot to give to you. It's the sixth week here. I'm sure you've heard by now that there are special roles in this game, the ones that the rulebook mentions. There are eleven. I found them all. I know them all by name, what they do, who occupies them, and I'm going to do whatever it takes to use that information to win.

There are certain win objectives. We're in the planning stages and...as usual, things aren't fair. Things come down to the near impossible, but that's just another Monday for us, isn't it? Our numbers are dwindling, but I'll keep fighting to save people here. It just not be the way that I thought it would be.

I know you're trying to tell me things, but I wonder if they're coming too late. You said that we were the best couple, and the Walkens are on the train now. You said to eat something healthy for once and I found intestines in the sink and a head in the fridge, organs and ribs spread on the dining room table. It's cruel, isn't it? A mockery of death to a person. Did you know these things? Are you able to know?

And did you really ask for TVs to watch me? Come on, Annabeth.

This letter's long, but I think I'm tired. So many people are scared and I don't know how to fix it yet. But there's one thing I don't understand.

"Be careful who you adopt, Jackson."

You weren't actually referring to a child, were you.

By the time you get this letter, I may have done something stupid. The likelihood's pretty high though, but I have to. My plans are getting better and better every day, don't worry.

What's the train like? What all can you guys really see? Some people may come to you for advice and answers. We both know you're smarter than everyone else on the train. If they come to you, help them. If they specify Shinnosuke sent them, definitely help them. But otherwise, keep this letter to yourself. It's just for you.

I love you. I love you so much and I don't know if I realized how much until you were gone. Seems right, doesn't it?

I'm still trying. I promise.

-Percy

PS. Will told me that sometimes Dr. Lecter writes him letters and poetry. He showed me an example and recommended a poet to me. Will was looking for something more romantic. Maybe I'll send it to you. But this one reminded me of us.

let’s live suddenly without thinking under honest trees, a stream does.
the brain of cleverly-crinkling-water pursues the angry dream of the shore.
By midnight, a moon scratches the skin of the organized hills
an edged nothing begins to prune
let’s live like the light that kills
and let’s as silence,
because Whirl’s after all:
(after me)love,and after you.