Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard [W7, Monday]

[hydrokinetics]

[The town is quiet and sullen, but time marches on. It's the afternoon by now when Percy finds himself in the kitchen staring at a boiling pot of water. He can't recall the last time he actually cooked something, but with so few of them left it seems he has to self-provide.

He's lost in thought as he stares at noodles boiling in water and suddenly hears footsteps. He looks up, a little alarmed but relaxing upon the sight of someone familiar.

(But then again...aren't they all familiar now?)]

You should join me for lunch. I had no idea how much I was supposed to add to the water.

Comments

[elemancy]

[wow. he's... really starting to understand how gladio and ignis feel when he's being petulant.]

Look at me and say that, Percy.

[hydrokinetics]

[This is your new little brother, Noct, congratulations. He's pushing at his noodles but he does glance up with a look that can really only be described as "brooding."]

I'm not. Seriously. This isn't like what happened with Natalie.

[elemancy]

["BULLSHIT, PERCY," i scream from a week in the future, but noct doesn't know this yet, so he's just. frowning.]

Good. You... better tell me if anything like that's going on.

[but he's still not sure he buys it. percy's acting weird and he's been acting weird.]

...Or else I'll have to kick your ass. [#bros]

[hydrokinetics]

It's been a while since I've had my ass kicked. [WHY IS HE SMILING ABOUT THIS....] I'd ask if you trust my judgment in stuff but I think I know the answer after what happened this weekend. If there was anything happening that I couldn't handle though of course I'd tell you. That's what we have to do, isn't it?

[elemancy]

Even if you can.

[don't forget that, punk.] No more time for secrets... we're down to the wire now.

[sure, he'd rather see percy smiling about it, but that cagey behavior all day isn't something noct is ignoring completely.]

[hydrokinetics]

What about if a secret was for the better? Keeping it secret, I mean. Ever had something like that happen?

[He's still being cagey but he's more at ease now. Thoughtful. Aware that Noctis is listening to him.]

[elemancy]

Yeah. But now? Probably not that time. Gotta know when to pick your battles with stuff like that, man.

[he can see the difference in percy's attitude, but that only confirms that percy is definitely hiding something from him.]

When it's life and death, there's no "for the better" with secrets. I know, I've seen it too many damn times already.

[points at his dad, internally goes THIS MOTHERFUCKER, even though he loves his das the most.]

[hydrokinetics]

And I'm gonna argue and say that there are definitely times some secrets are okay even if we don't know why yet. [He doesn't really agree with that. He hates being out of the loop. He hates having to find a way to skew this.

The bowl goes on the counter and he stares at Noctis for a moment.] ...secrets never last long around here anyway. Anything we don't know will probably make itself clear sooner or later.

[elemancy]

You're making a pretty crappy case for that, you know.

[noct's really never going to agree to that. and percy should know that he really doesn't like that feeling in the least.]

It's not protecting anyone to do that... not at this point.

[hydrokinetics]

Noctis, I can't. [And that's all he says. There's no other explanation, no other words. Just a loud, hollow sentence with a heavier weight attached.

"I can't. I can't explain. I can't tell you. I can't justify this. I can't tell you how sorry I am." There are too many sentences that fit that thought and his arms fold over his chest as his gaze drops again.] I'm not keeping things to myself. Don't worry about that. The rest doesn't matter right now. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought any of this up.

[elemancy]

[noct can't help but to tense hearing that—which isn't entirely percy's fault.

but his hand clenches at his fork tightly before letting it go. he... can't eat like this. he's annoyed, he's frustrated, he's upset. and it's not just the ominous feeling that loom over him—the one that tells him that something awful is going to happen.

whether to him or to someone else, or maybe to all of them.

but he knows for sure that what he's saying about preparing himself for the worst... he's going to need to.

it stretches beyond that, though. it's the feeling of helplessness. it's that knowing that he's not being entrusted with something important. it's seeing that he's being kept in the dark for what feels like the millionth fucking time in his life, like it's impossible for anyone to ever give him a straight answer about things that affect him directly.]

Not to yourself, but away from the people who need to hear it more than you think.

[hydrokinetics]

...if I said that you'll hear about it when the time is right, what would you say? Fate and stuff like that.

[He knows it's frustrating and awful. He gets it. He gets that it's frustrating and more than anything he wants to explain. He thinks Noctis would understand, but he thinks of the people who have had such secrets hanging over their heads and how it hurt them.

He's rather Noctis be mad than Noctis be afraid.]

[elemancy]

Wasn't a good answer when my dad sent me off so he could get himself killed to "protect" me, and it's not a good answer now.

[this isn't what he wants or needs.]

I'm... not looking for you or anyone else to protect me, like... I'm some kid that can't handle it.

[there's definitely a bit of a cold, hard edge to it, which he can't really help. it's something that just bothers him very deeply—especially when he's the older one here, when he's the one who should be taking on more burdens to protect other people instead of being kept in the dark about it.

he's not even sure he has room for things like fear anymore, after everything that's happened. but he knows he's just sick of being lied to, so he pushes his chair out a bit.. though he doesn't actually stand.

noctis feels defeated, defeated, angry and disheartened and it's infinitely worse than knowing the truth. percy's being a fucking moron as far as he's concerned, and he's not the only one.]

So just cut the crap already, Percy. Save that burden-shouldering line for someone who actually needs it.

[hydrokinetics]

[The words sting. He knows that, knows Noctis is right, knows it hurts, but as far as Percy's concerned he's already in too deep for anyone else to save them now. This is the burden of a few people, and he chose to accept it. This is the first time in a long time he's chosen to take the weight. He feels a lot of the same feelings he did when he first decided to force the Great Prophecy to focus on him, what with Thalia choosing to freeze her age and Nico being so young. There wasn't enough time. It had to be him.

This is that. The tone angers him and his jaw clenches. He's not mad at Noctis, particularly, but he's mad at the situation and mad he isn't capable of really explaining all of the things that need to be explained.]

What do you want me to say then? [The words are spit out. He doesn't move, shoulders hunching a little but resolve as intense as ever. He is, unfortunately, stubborn.] It's not my secret to tell.

[elemancy]

Should've thought of that before saying anything at all.

[considering that before noct even attempted to call him on it, percy's been dancing around the topic in a way that...

well, it's pretty obvious.]

You're not cut out for lying and being all cagey like this, even if you think you're helping anyone with it.

[because he's actually just making things way worse.]

[hydrokinetics]

[His expression closes off then because, naturally, he's taking it the wrong way. He shouldn't have said anything. He's not great at subtleties all the time, not great at not wanting to save everyone, not great at making the worries lessen.

He doesn't say anything for a bit.]

...don't be mad. Be mad at me all you want, but in the end, you can't be mad. All right? Promise me. I know that doesn't make any sense but...promise me anyway.

[elemancy]

[his gaze doesn't meet percy's—he's just frustrated and hurt by it. he knows things are going to go wrong.

he has such a bad feeling.

it's dread. it's sinking, awful dread and even though he said he was preparing and resigning himself to the worst, it still feels...

terrible.]

I'll... decide whether or not to stay mad in the end.

[how can he make a promise when he doesn't know what he's promising? when percy won't even tell him that much, he can't promise he won't be mad in the end about it.

he loves percy—he's family at this point, he's a brother in an unconventional situation. but he's aggravated and upset, without a doubt.]

[hydrokinetics]

[...it's all he can ask.]

Okay. [The tone is small and tight, like he doesn't trust himself to say anything else.] I think that's agreeable. In the end. [The steely look melts and his features soften into something more worried than irritated even if he's not looking at him.] You can decide in the end. You should be allowed to decide in the end. You'll have time.

[elemancy]

...Fine.

[he only looks at percy for a brief second before looking back down at the mac and cheese he clearly has no appetite to eat.

he feels defeated.

he's tired and defeated, and one (or both) of them is going to die.

if noctis wasn't sure of that before, he is now.

but the fight drains from him quickly; he doesn't have it in him to maintain that burning anger for very long at all. he's sad. he's too sad for it.]

[hydrokinetics]

[They're both sad and defeated and, in Percy's case, guilty. There's nothing left to fight about and he's lost his own appetite again, too. Still, he can't bring himself to leave the kitchen.]

Noctis? [It's that same tone.] Would it even matter if I said I was sorry?

[elemancy]

Maybe.

[probably. almost definitely.

...definitely.

there's really not much resolve to how he says that, so percy should probably just say what he wants to say.]

[hydrokinetics]

[He doesn't say anything again, but after a few moments he does shuffle away from the counter and over to Noctis's chair so that he's behind him. He looks down at him then, simply staring like he's trying to memorize everything about Noctis as he is now. He looks over his hair and his eyes, his cheek bones and the slope of his nose, the different way his features pull, the slight stubble that's there. He looks at his posture, he looks at his clothes and he looks at what makes Noctis...well, Noctis.

And after his time of looking, he bends slightly to partially drape over him and hugging his shoulders. He buries his face in Noctis's hair, knowing this isn't helping his case but needing the contact one last time.]

I'm so sorry. For everything that's happened and will happen. I'm not asking for forgiveness until the end, and even then...[Noctis may not want to give it.] I just wanted to say that because you needed to hear it.

[elemancy]

[it's a bit strange and startling to be sure, but... this is percy. even if it's a little uncomfortable thanks to just... how noct is, he doesn't move. he doesn't even stay tense.

this is how percy is, after all. he's more than learned that well enough over these last weeks.

but noct responds in kind by way of reaching up behind him to ruffle percy's hair a bit. he doesn't want to forget any of this either—

it's the end.

he knows whatever is going to happen is going to hurt them. kill them. but more than kill them, is going to hurt them—and he can already see it's probably going to hurt percy more than himself, as much as that's hard to admit.

so noct closes his eyes, drawing in a shaky breath.]

Idiot... [he mutters, and it's just has shaky as his breath. it's hard to keep his composure, because whatever's going to happen, they're not going to like it. he's positive of that now more than ever.]

Don't... go doing things you have to apologize for later.

[it's not angry now, though. it's... much more sad. because he knows; they both know.]

[hydrokinetics]

[Noctis ruffling his hair just forces Percy to faceplant further into Noctis's, embarrassing as it is. It's a comforting gesture and he has mixed feelings on if he deserves it or wants it. He won't say no though. This is the hardest part.]

...I wish I could fix everything. [Which isn't exactly a promise.] I wish we could be right at least once here. Why that's so much to ask I have no idea. But I'll try.

[elemancy]

...I know you will.

[he admits, quietly. he's got no doubts that percy will try.]

I still... trust you about that. [he says with some hesitation, but it's not because there's any doubt. it's just because...

well, he's upset. he's been upset, but everything is just hard on them both.]

Don't try to handle it all on your own.