hydrokinetics | Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard [W7, Monday]

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Nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard [W7, Monday]

[The town is quiet and sullen, but time marches on. It's the afternoon by now when Percy finds himself in the kitchen staring at a boiling pot of water. He can't recall the last time he actually cooked something, but with so few of them left it seems he has to self-provide.

He's lost in thought as he stares at noodles boiling in water and suddenly hears footsteps. He looks up, a little alarmed but relaxing upon the sight of someone familiar.

(But then again...aren't they all familiar now?)]

You should join me for lunch. I had no idea how much I was supposed to add to the water.

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Then I'll spell it out for you.

[he'll take the bowl, but boy. percy being cagey gets under his skin.]

Your memories. What do you want to do with them when this is over?

[Sorry bro.]

I want to keep them. No doubt. I'm keeping them because they're mine, but it's just...a lot. It'll be a lot. That's all.

[he nods, sighing quietly.]

...You're being weird.

How am I being weird? [There's a smirk.] And anyway, the fact that you're just now saying that seven weeks later means I've been doing a good job keeping that under wraps.

Weird for you.

[ya punk.

don't think he didn't notice all that cagey behavior?]

If there's something else on your mind... out with it. It's too exhausting to try and play coy about it now.

I'm going to miss you. [It's blurted out and followed by an awkward silence...that he fills by shoving noodles into his mouth.] ...I was just thinking about that.

[wow, this nerd.]

Yeah. It's... the same. It'll be weird not having you around anymore. [he gets it, though.]

That's how I feel about a lot of things lately, you know? We've gotten used to being together and now...we really have to think about the fact we're all leaving soon. I want to go home, and I know we all have stuff to get back to, but it's still weird. I don't even know how we can try to stay in touch, if at all.

[he nods, shoving a forkful of food into his mouth. he's been trying not to think about it too much because of the permanence that comes with it.

he misses his friends back home, but the idea is that he'll be getting back to them. but the people here, people like percy, and barnham, jason, milla, and everyone else—

learning how to never even have a way to talk to them again is strange and he can feel the barest of stinging at his eyes when he has to for too long.]

Yeah. I know. It's..

[he draws in a breath. they've helped him through so much; isn't that exactly why he'd be willing to give his life for them?]

Gonna be hard, no matter what.

[He feels very much the same way, but Percy's always been that way. He adapts and makes friendships quickly if people let him. And now here they are talking about the end of the world. His fork stirs his food idly, if only to give himself something to do.]

I've thought about writing letters to send back to the people I care about, but at the same time I'm not even sure if that would make things better or worse, too. Or asking Hal...I don't know. It's another case of not knowing what we can even do here and it's not fair. Especially when it's...you know. Like the end's already coming, even if we don't know when.

[he's thought about the same, even drafting letters in his head.]

Might make things worse, but. Maybe it's about... closure, or something. Tying up loose ends, not leaving any regrets.

[noct's obviously been thinking about this a lot.] I'm not giving up, but I want to be ready for the worst. I'm... making my peace with that.

[with dying and death, with "the end," as much as it pains him to admit it. it's starting to feel like it's the only option.]

...you're not the first person to tell me they'd be okay with dying and just letting it be. Not lately. I wonder if a lot of us really feel that way. [He thinks about that, wondering if he should write letters, too.]

It's the same way I've been feeling for a while, dude. I don't want to give up, but maybe accepting it just...is.

[it seems like a lot of them are losing their hope—or seeing it as the only salvation they have left.

really, noct isn't sure which.

he doesn't want to say he's giving up, but the idea of fighting it—]

We can't fight it. If we get picked... it's going to happen, no matter what.

[they already know that, don't they? they can't fight it.]

Still, it's...

[scary. it's really fucking scary—both because who wants to die? but also because of what would be left behind in their worlds. what would happen to the people of lucis? he doesn't know.

that part? it scares noctis a lot.]

...it's not bad to be really scared of not knowing, is it? [Weirdly, it sounds like a rhetorical question.] I'm tired of not knowing but I also don't know how to learn more about what's really going to happen in the end. We could have all of the answers we wanted but isn't seeing believing?

[noct nods, and admits quietly:]

When I asked Hal, he said everything we needed was already here. [and even though he doesn't trust hal not to lie, he doesn't disbelieve it.

he just thinks maybe they're being ignorant to it, or that someone is holding information back that would help them.]

[A silence.]

When'd you talk to Hal? Recently?

Last Tuesday.

[he pauses.]

Didn't mention it before because there wasn't anything to tell. He said we had everything we need to win, we just need to play the game and figure it out.

It's the "figure it out" that worries me. We know how to play the game. That's easy, we've known that since the beginning. It's the after part that scares me.

Yeah. I don't know what that's going to spell for us, but I don't have a good feeling about it.

[and the fact that hal isn't offering it up even when he's asking really doesn't help with that, either.]

Yeah...me either. It's too much to think about. [He puts his food down then.]

But at least we'd be safe on the train. That's something, right?

It's something.

[though he's not sure it's something he should be getting excited about. then it really feels like giving up, but—]

One thing at a time, I guess. I just know.. if someone comes for me, or if I'm someone to go for someone. I'm not going to fight what that means for me.

[it's futile. he'd rather just accept it peacefully.]

[There's something unreadable in his expression again before he nods, resigned to that answer.]

Not fighting anymore...might be kinda nice.

[...unreadable unsettles him. but noct just furrows his brow a bit before sighing.]

"Kinda" seems like an understatement.

I'm still deciding. But then again I'm pretty used to things coming after me. And me going after them. It's a long and complicated cycle, Noctis.

[...] Never mind. This is a stupid conversation.

I know this place is getting to all of us, but...

[he sighs, AGAIN. it seems to be his natural state of being.]

Don't do that thing where you keep it all to yourself like an idiot.

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